-This is me yesterday morning getting ready for work....
-No more pink in my hair i dyed it back to my original color...
Dark Brown.
----yes i am a starbucks customer!
-Mom got back from Mexico and brought me back a ring... and i got a new belt buckle.
And lookie.. the names of the sales guys.
-So I put my two week notice. FUCK!!!
-So I finished drawing my chest piece... yayayayaya. Now if only i can rob a bank so i can get it done.
-6 hours at work=mabey 20mins of work done. tee hee. Im shopping!!!
-Ok... time to get serious
Im not feeling nor doing too good. Emotionally. Last night was horrid!!!
I left work round 2:30. Got home ate cereal and watched "The Forgotten". I went to take a nap... and thats where it hit me. I was flippin' hysterical and i didnt know why. Like some vision from hell was blocking my view of my beautiful world. I couldnt stop crying. All i wanted to do was sleep.... so celi decides to drink 1 whole bottle of a Merlot. And 1 whole bottle of a Chardonnay. Then she gets a headache.. and "pop" goes the pill lids...... mistake. I guess I ended up taking too many and I somehow got a hold of a razor.
Not good. Yes... i lost all ability to think rationally.
NOTE:
I am not a cutter, nor am I suicidal (at the moment anyways) but something came over me where I was so overwhelmed with these emotions traveling within me. It was just so formidable. That... I guess I just exploded
Anyway... When I woke up my mom was laying by me crying. I guess Lorena came over to see if I was home and the door was open'd and she found me on the kitchen floor. So she called Anna, Anna left work and called my mother. No I didnt go to the hospital.... Im actually doing quite fine today.
Well... I was suppose to meet Eden I guess at 8 but I was "busy" at the time... so in all the mess I get 6 text messeges "where r u... are you avoiding me... wtf? etc." Finnaly he calls around 11 (after I had woken up, and was sitting there talking/crying with Anna) and he begins to yell so I hung up... I called him back like 10mins. later and he heard me crying. "whats wrong..." I didnt want to scare him so I just told him "nothing. Can we talk tomorrow?" He was like "How do you expect me to be there if you dont open up to me. You leave me in the dark" Which is true. It is hard for me to yell out "I NEED YOU" sometimes. I fell asleep so I didnt call him back. Now today..... he wont return any of my calls. Why... Cause Eden has a problem. When I show any emotion other than Happy, Horny, anger... he runs. He doesnt know what to do with sadness or depression. But it's mostly me. I dont talk to him. I dont. I hate that i can be evasive. I guess asking for help just isnt my style. It's like a stranger to me. But how can I explain something I dont even understand? GODDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate yesterday. Such a blur. I wish it never happened.
I feel gross and sick today. 3 more hours until I go home and snuggle with Anna. I love her to death. She is my soulmate. I dont need Eden. I will just marry Anna and Matt.
No... I do want Eden. I do NEED Eden. I do love him so.
-No more pink in my hair i dyed it back to my original color...
Dark Brown.
----yes i am a starbucks customer!
-Mom got back from Mexico and brought me back a ring... and i got a new belt buckle.
And lookie.. the names of the sales guys.
-So I put my two week notice. FUCK!!!
-So I finished drawing my chest piece... yayayayaya. Now if only i can rob a bank so i can get it done.
-6 hours at work=mabey 20mins of work done. tee hee. Im shopping!!!
-Ok... time to get serious
Im not feeling nor doing too good. Emotionally. Last night was horrid!!!
I left work round 2:30. Got home ate cereal and watched "The Forgotten". I went to take a nap... and thats where it hit me. I was flippin' hysterical and i didnt know why. Like some vision from hell was blocking my view of my beautiful world. I couldnt stop crying. All i wanted to do was sleep.... so celi decides to drink 1 whole bottle of a Merlot. And 1 whole bottle of a Chardonnay. Then she gets a headache.. and "pop" goes the pill lids...... mistake. I guess I ended up taking too many and I somehow got a hold of a razor.
Not good. Yes... i lost all ability to think rationally.
NOTE:
I am not a cutter, nor am I suicidal (at the moment anyways) but something came over me where I was so overwhelmed with these emotions traveling within me. It was just so formidable. That... I guess I just exploded
Anyway... When I woke up my mom was laying by me crying. I guess Lorena came over to see if I was home and the door was open'd and she found me on the kitchen floor. So she called Anna, Anna left work and called my mother. No I didnt go to the hospital.... Im actually doing quite fine today.
Well... I was suppose to meet Eden I guess at 8 but I was "busy" at the time... so in all the mess I get 6 text messeges "where r u... are you avoiding me... wtf? etc." Finnaly he calls around 11 (after I had woken up,
and was sitting there talking/crying with Anna) and he begins to yell so I hung up... I called him back like 10mins. later and he heard me crying. "whats wrong..." I didnt want to scare him so I just told him "nothing. Can we talk tomorrow?" He was like "How do you expect me to be there if you dont open up to me. You leave me in the dark" Which is true. It is hard for me to yell out "I NEED YOU" sometimes. I fell asleep so I didnt call him back. Now today..... he wont return any of my calls. Why... Cause Eden has a problem. When I show any emotion other than Happy, Horny, anger... he runs. He doesnt know what to do with sadness or depression. But it's mostly me. I dont talk to him. I dont. I hate that i can be evasive. I guess asking for help just isnt my style. It's like a stranger to me. But how can I explain something I dont even understand? GODDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate yesterday. Such a blur. I wish it never happened.
I feel gross and sick today. 3 more hours until I go home and snuggle with Anna. I love her to death. She is my soulmate. I dont need Eden. I will just marry Anna and Matt.
No... I do want Eden. I do NEED Eden. I do love him so.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
erase that day from your mind, hope you feel better emotionally!!!
*hugs*
Hey...Buck up Buckaroo!....No but really, I hope you feel better soon.