balita

this is going to be like my diary for a minute so if you don't want to hear about my sob story you might as well stop reading now. ok i warned you. i am really in a rut right now and i don't know if i can get myself out of it my hunny asked me to leave the house today for a few days maybe a week so he could "clear his head" and deside if i was what he wanted. and i left to sit wondering. when i got home this afternoon from being out of town all day yesterday i noticed after he told me that, that he didn't have on his ring and that really upset me, i mean i didn't get it for him to put it in a jewlery box but the best part is that now after i paid for it he can't find it it is not where he put it. i just hate sitting around waiting, wondering what it is that i am supose to do that i am not? the reason why he says that we need a few day/a week apart is to see if he will miss me, but what i am worried about is that he is never home when i am there so how is it that he is going to miss me now if he didn't then. i am truely in love with this man. i don't want to lose him but i am scared as hell that i am going to. i thought i was going to be with him for the rest of my life but i guess that maybe he has different plans for me. i don't know all i know is this, if he called me right now and asked me to come home i would start walking. it is almost 130 right now and i am almost two hours driving away from him and yet after he asked me to leave i would still walk that just to get back to him? i wish that i could understand my own feelings so that i could explain them to you, but if you have never been in this situation you really can't understand, and honestly i hope with all my heart that no one ever has to understand this feeling again. i gave the man almost 4 years of my life and i know that doesn't sound like a lot to most people but you have to keep in mind i am only 18. this is by far the worst pain i have ever felt to know that he is right there but i can't have him at least not right now and i really don't think that i am going ever again. i miss him so badly but i guess that he dosen't miss me very much if at all. if he could only feel half of what i feel he would have already call me asking me to come back. i need some one to talk to and at the moment i have no one so you became my some one that is if anyone even got this far. well any way wish me ......i would say luck but getting what you want is not always getting what you need or deserve so how bout this wish me the best. i will keep you updated if you would like. sorry no pics this time i am on a friends computer and don't have any.

Much love,
xoxo, Balita