bakuto

Happy 4th of July everyone!!!

If you live in America, this is something of a big deal. Haha, what better way to celebrate the birth of your nation's independence than to blow up a large chunk of it?

I hadn't seen any fireworks for sale ANYWHERE. Not even poppers or smoke bombs at the stores.


As some of you may have noticed, I've been kind of been on here rather sporadically, if not downright ghostly as of late. Don't feel bad, I haven't been on Facebook much either.

The thing is, that I have been nursing a serious case of heartbreak. Seriously, this was a love that... it was like getting high on air, or drunk on words. It's odd because I'm the guy that when a girl tells him she loves him, he stops trusting her immediately. So, for me to actually feel this way about anyone, is beyond rare, but she never knew it. Turns out that the ocean wonderful possibilities was merely a mirage in the desert of my view. For some people that know me, this is utterly unheard of. So, I've been off, trying to heal... lick my wounds, if you will.

The thing is, that she keeps telling me that she WAS in love with me and whatnot, but how can one just turn that off at the snap of a finger? Occum's Razor would teach us that she was able to do that, because she wasn't in the first place. Occum's razor is of course being the concept that the most likely explanation to something, is... the most likely explanation. So, things you don't really put much thought to, that you just kind of know automatically, you're applying Occum's Razor. Like if you come to a tree in the woods that's been blasted over, of course one of the explanations could be that aliens came down, said "Fuck you tree!" and blasted it... or, as Occum's Razor would have us believe, lightning hit it. It's kind of intriguing that she actually still wants to be friends and I actually believe that she wants that, as she apparently likes the person that I am. Which is where the interesting part comes in. I'm not that person with my "friends" so I'm sure this probably won't last long.

I've been trying to think of ways to aid in the healing process. Spoiler alert: Lying on the floor all night while fisting a bottle of El Ron Medellin 12 year while listing to your iTunes while it rotates the video for THIS song:

does NOT help. It's funny, now it's the most played track on my iTunes with 112 plays. Oddly, it's a very upbeat and poppy song, given it's subject matter. It just seemed like an appropriate song to what I was feeling.

So, given it's lack of effectiveness, I turned to the thing that I knew for sure has always picked me up in down times... hooking up. I've gone on a blaze that would make Barney Stinson blush. Up to and including the famed "Hat Trick" (Three women in a day) and "Perfect Week" (a different woman each day for seven straight) and no, they didn't crossfade into each other. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting here saying this to brag and rub "accomplishments" into anybody's face. The point that I'm driving at, is that despite the rarity of these scenarios... none of it has helped whatsoever. In my attempt to bury this one in a sea of newer memories of exquisite trysts... she still rises to the top.

Not only that, but I've lost my passion for such faire and feel as though I'm merely going through the motions. I'm not attempting to paint myself as a lothario or anything, it's just that everybody has at least one thing that they're passionate about to a point that they pour that passion in, to become proficient at. For some guys when they're young, it's a sport or an art of some kind... for me it was girls. It's kind of like when someone plays football for years and years, honing their skill and then getting to that one championship game and the entire thing comes down to his last penalty kick, the buzzer goes off as the ball sails through the air and it bangs the crossbar. Chances are, the next time he steps on the pitch, he's not going to feel the same about it. To be that close to the culmination of his passion, only to lose it all to something as small as an inch. That is probably the best example I can give as to my current mental state.

Actually, it might be a bad example for me to use, as I've actually been missing being on the pitch as of late. I used to play back in school and I was actually rather good. I was always nutmegging my ass off. Haha, my nickname was actually "Spice Rack." For those that don't know, the "nutmeg" is when you fake a defender out and jam the ball right between their legs and take it past them... it kind of makes them look super amateur. Alas, I changed over to football (American version) because those were the guys that got girls and I became quarterback. In high school, such arbitrary things seemed important.

I don't know, I just kind of feel as though this blog is probably the most honest place I can be. Perhaps it's the shield of anonymity, or perhaps it's something else, I don't know. Perhaps it's on account that I won't face judgement on such things as readers here may be into or even having the same, unlike anybody I know in my actual life. Who knows?

In fact, I think the thing I actually get anything resembling passionate with, is that one of the girls if this 23 year old and I have rather been enjoying leading Alice sweet Alice down the rabbit hole of depravation. What with accepting pain as a sensation, initiating her vocal description of what she's feeling and being loud about it... even my favorite, what I like to call "publicirricular activities." Usually I'm not one for women younger than I, but the hurt is big, so I had to open up my net a little more to try and bury it. I'm not sure what's more exciting though, the activities for which we participate, or the corruption. There's even been one that's 22 and into these things already. No shit, after one of our go 'rounds, her back and ass marks looked like Jim Caviizel's before they hung him on the cross (sans the blood anyhow)... and she loved every minute of it. In the middle of a park... as it rained on us... which is why I'm now covered in mosquito bites. I'm understandably not happy about that part.

It's just that no matter how hard I try, there's no burying actually happening. It's like digging a hole to put someone in, then them just standing there as you fill it. Actually, that's EXACTLY what this feels like. No matter how much I shovel in, or fast and hard, I can still hear her voice, feel her skin on my fingertips... her hair on my face. I can still feel her scent in my nostrils. It's NOT going away. Oh, and for anybody that finds out what scent the girl he's into/with wears and thinks it's a good idea to to be cheeky, get a bottle and spray your pillows with it... DON'T. Because these things don't always work out... in fact, the only "always" is that they never do, they "always" end and they end badly, otherwise they wouldn't end at all. So even though of course in the last weeks, I've laundered my linens and such, every once in a while, I'll roll over or something and get a poof of DKNY's Red Delicious to my face. It's always right before I'm about to fall asleep too. It haunts me... as though she's in the room with me, lingering in the shadows, just out of my grasp. Yearning for me to reach out for her. But when I do... she's never there.

As Andre 3000 once put it:
Even the sun goes down
Heroes eventually die
Horoscopes often lie
And sometimes why
Nothing is for sure
Nothing is for certain
Nothing lasts forever

Anyhow, moving on...

What the shit, Egypt? didn't they just overthrow their leader not but two years ago? Damn, and here I thought that I was never happy.

Snowden... I'm kind of on the fence about this. I mean, yes, as per the letter of the law, he did break it... but I suppose that there's nothing more American than punishing someone for doing the right thing, yea? Honestly, them bringing the hammer down on him so hard is only an attempt to make an example out of him so that if anyone else wants to blow the whistle on something that's fucked up, they won't, because of "Look what happened to Snowden."

On this subject, don't get me wrong, I don't hate Obama or anything, but this photo IS pretty funny


So yes, if you've been reading my previous blogs, there are some songs that I've come across on the radio that have gotten me serious and weird or confusing looks from people when played in my car while wearing a suit. I drive a Jaguar luxury sedan and I'm 6'2", to give some background there. Usually I'll have my sunroof back and either nodding or singing along... or even just rocking the fuck out. Recently, it's been this one

this one

and this one

Then, while getting the stares during rush hour, I'm sitting there like "Yea, guy in the Audi, I'm rocking out to some Dead Or Alive, what are YOU doing? Rushing off to your job you hate, to spend money you don't have on a wife that you don't love. Oh shit, now the song's over and I'm doing the little Beyonce Single Ladies train dance to some Florence Welch"


Fuck it, although not part of the menagerie above, I'll just throw this one in for good measure

and this one

Yes, before you ask, Paulina Rubio IS my "celebrity crush" and now I have to watch X-Factor. I'd have watched La Voz: Mexico, but despite having 80+ Latin channels, somehow... I didn't have the one that show was on. Go figure...

Speaking of shows... I think I might be a little TOO excited about the new season of Skins. It hasn't been on for about three years and now, with this season, they're kind of going back to certain members from the first two casts to kind of check in with what they're up to now. The other morning, it was about 5AM and I should've been in bed as I had an important meeting to be at that day... but I was so surprised to see that the season premiere had come out, that I had to watch it then and there.

While I was in the shower for my "date" last night, I came up with the best photo idea, ever known to all of mankind. Seriously, if I can actually get up the money and resources to do it, this thing will go fucking viral. So here's my fingers crossed, big bucks no whammies...

Quick sidebar, I actually pulled my hair back two days ago, so that's pretty cool. It's getting there. Also, something weird has happened. Between early May and mid June, I lost 30 pounds... but nobody has said anything. Seriously, it's as though not a single soul has noticed. It's not as though I'm super huge or anything and nobody can tell... I don't know, that just kind of weirds me out.

Last week, I went into a new and used book store, seemingly against my will, as I had no intention of going in whatsoever... but I picked up a few books nonetheless and even found THIS little gem

Yes, the front and back covers are metal. For those of you that don't know what this is, it's a book put out by Madonna during her "Justify My Love" phase about twenty years ago. Not to mention that this is the import version from Japan, quite the rare find and despite it's age, I STILL paid through the nose on it. Chock full of pages such as these



I found this next photo to be rather interesting, as I think I may have seen it many years ago


The reason it's interesting, is that years ago, I had these paintings that i bought from a gallery in Laguna Beach that were done by an artist named Petra... yes, like the drink with absinthe. Anyhow, the paintings were Fayette Dorado (Golden Fairy)

And Absinte Pazzia (Absinthe Madness)


It's just that when I got the paintings, I remember trying to think of why the image of the woman looks familiar. Then, after getting the book, I turned the page and it was like "Ohhhh ho ho, no shit. One mystery down, 314 left."

Something I've learned and it may seem like common sense, but You never take a date to a Brad Pitt movie. I'm sitting there watching World War Z and I hear "Oh man, why can't more guys be like Brad Pitt?" To which I respond "Seriously? He's fighting zombies! It's not real, it's all pretend. Tis an illusion! In the immortal words of Ben Affleck, 'Fic-shun-ahl Cayr-ik-ters...' You think he'd be able to hold himself in this situation were it real? He'd be in the corner hugging his knees shitting himself, having a psychotic break while wiping said shit on his face like Apache warpaint, saying nonsensical stuff like 'Gotta be brave, gotta... gotta show everyone how brave..." while he rocks back and forth." I also noticed when he was in the office talking to the Israli guy, his eyes are super narrow. In that they're really close together. I mean, I'm not saying it's bad necessarily, just that I'd never noticed it before.

Went on a second date with someone the night of the Super Moon and got this photo

I like how the clouds look like smoke coming out of the steeple and the moon just lights it up.

Usually on second dates, after the first date "Get to know you BS" I like to make it something of an intellectual endeavor. So... Galleries, Art Museums, the Ballet, book stores... things I'm into that show a cultured side of me. Being as though it was too late to do ANY of these things by the time we met up, I opted for teaching her how to play chess... with life sized pieces!!!


So then I took a girl on what I like to refer to as the "Danger Date" which is usually the third date I go on with someone. I lull them in with the first two dates of thinking I'm interesting and intellectual, then BAM! "What do you mean we're doing aerial combat for a date?" They don't know what to think about me at all. They thought they had me figured out, but now I'm exciting too? Usually what this date is to do, is to bring not only them, but myself out of our respective comfort zones. Not to mention creating something of an experience she probably won't soon forget. So something like those skydive wind tunnels, scuba diving, racing in cars, things like this. I even took one to eat fugu (poisonous blowfish) and another ice skating once, spent most of the time on my ass, but still. Seriously, if you ever make it to Vegas, there's a place called ACT Aerial Combat... something, and you get to go up in planes and dogfight each other. Alas, I'm in Columbus, OH and I have no idea what's around here to do such, so I took her to do this

My results

Yea, I really need to start practicing... this was horrible for me. If you the reader is in the Central Ohio area and have any other ideas, I'm all ears... well, eyes.

Also, on Tuesday I attended an event at Mad Mex for Avion Tequila. Hey, if it's good enough for Vinnie Chase, it's good enough for me. Anyhow, it was a competition with bartenders making concoction shots of their own imaginings but using Avion Tequila as the main ingredient. I was invited to this and quite frankly, I've been trying to drown my sorrows already, why not do it on someone else's dime... specifically Avion's. There were drinks and food, overall a good time. I didn't get drunk though. Believe me, I tried. I didn't even get "buzzed." Which is somewhat disappointing on account that I got through a quarter of a bottle of Avion here at home a week ago and went off the deep end. The shots were rather good though, I'll give them that much.






Oh oh, yesterday, I submitted an entry I call Texual Advances to the Filthy Dirty Smutty Storytime group. You can find it HERE. It's my first one, but be sure to check it out and tell me what you think.

Well, I didn't intend for this one to be so long but I thought a hard update was in order, after being gone so long. Fuck me, I still need to upload the Panama photos. Some other time, yea? I think this one is actually longer than the Last one about Colombia. Word-wise, anyhow.

Oh shit, I totally forgot to put this, but on my date to the shooting range, we went to my favorite Hookah Bar and... almost got kicked out that night. Apparently, we'd offended one of the managers or something. We were on the seat and kind of like sophomores at a dance, so there were a few kisses but no tongue, I mean... I do have a habit of exercising tact on occasion. Anyhow, the whole night was weird as we only saw our server twice the ENTIRE time we were there, as when she brought our menus, I was like "Thank you... Elizabeth, right?" Because I go there a lot and I make it a point to meet and acquaint the staff. Although she just had this horrified look on her face as though she were in Witness Protection and I just blew her cover. "Yea, how did you know?" "Because I'm in here all the time and we've actually conversed upon occasion." Way to make me look Bush League in front of my date. But I laughed it off, "Hahaha, man, did you see her face? What do you think THAT was about?" Then the manager comes over and is all "If you guys could cut that out, that'd be great!!!" Now, had she come over and politely said something like "Hey, I'm sorry to bother you guys, but we've had a few complaints and if you could turn it down a little, we'd all be thankful, thank you." I'd have been totally cool with it. However, for her to come over and actually berate us, as though I pointed her out and made her watch... it was more than unreasonable. Then, when I went to pay off my tab, she actually called the other girl over (Thankfully one of the more pleasant ones) to take care of it, in a tone that would suggest that somehow, cashing me out was beneath her. After that, my reaction? You guessed it, "Fuck this, let's just go be cosmonauts..."

I'm not sure what else to put, so I'll close this out with a word of advice:
Never accept the Facebook friend request from your grandmother... it's probably Chris Hanson.