bakedgoods

I wish I were a rock star. I can't play any instruments and I certainly can't sing, but I still aspire to be a rock star one day, someplace other than in my car. In my car I go nuts-- I'm Joan Jett or Kathleen Hanna, Ray Davies or George Micheal (yeah, George Micheal-- I really really rock out to "Freedom") or, most of the time, Robert Plant. And as I give concerts to those who happen to be in the vicinity of the open windows of my Ford Tempo, I only wish that maybe one day I could rock out for real. Ed, who was a rock star for a brief period a few years ago when ska was big (his band opened for Reel Big Fish... I love saying that even though it was years before we met), has offered many times to teach me how to play the guitar, will just have to harbor all the musical talent. He always likes when I sing (if you can call it that, I think it's the dancing that he enjoys more) to him.
So much has happened in a year. On this exact day last year, I started seeing this guy John, who, at the time, I thought was just the greatest thing since the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He turned out to be an immature, dominant (well, he tried) waste of space, but how was I to know that at the time? I remember sitting in my old car, changing from my sweaty wrestling gear into my Bettie Page T-shirt and Tilt jeans. I *distinctly* recall looking hot. He took me to see The Rock in The People's Motion Picture, "The Scorpion King", and then to my friend Stu's house to watch a WWF Pay-Per-View, and then back to his house for some awesome weed and I think we may have fucked.
Wait, no, we didn't.
Anyway.
That was a year ago today. Exactly a year ago. At the time, I'm not sure what I thought the future would bring... certainly not this. But each day is an adventure, a split second can change your life. Someone else that I know has experienced an even more turbulent (to say the least-- and to use a vocabulary word) year, beginning last April 21st and ending today. Unfortunately I cannot say that his experiences have been positive and exciting, like mine. Some of them have been, I hope. But the others... not so much.
I don't know where I'm going with this. Wait, that's not entirely true. I know what I mean to say, I'm just not sure how to get there. Each day that passes has the potential to alter the course of living, either for good or for bad. We all stand here, on this seemingly innocuous Monday, not knowing what will happen in the next week, the next day, the next hour. I'm waiting for a call from my doctor, to hear her tell me to go to bed with my water bottle and spend the night watching Simpsons and Law & Order re-runs (which I was pretty much going to do anyway), or to meet her at the hospital to get hooked up to a baby monitor (she seems to be moving fine, I just seem to be experiencing some early signs of premature labor-- again). Who knows, I might go in tonight and leave with an infant in a few days. I sincerely hope not, Ed's visiting home and we don't have the baby furniture yet, but I'm just saying....
I worry that one day my luck will run out. That it'll be my life turned upside down with an irretrievable second. I worry about that more so now than ever before, I guess because there's so much responsibilty in my future. Am I being selfish? I'm not meaning to be.
Shit, I'm rambling. Let me now leave you with some of my classic rock stylings... or not.