bakedgoods

I was reading my old diaryland journal starying with the entries from last summer and working my way up. I just read the entry from Halloween, when I found out I was pregnant, and the following days. It seems so long ago and far away, but I remember everything so vividly. I don't know how I ever thought Ed wouldn't take care of me. And even though I don't remember when it happened, I can't remember or even imagine what it was like no to love him. And then I went into the baby's room and looked at Emily, sleeping so peacefully in her crib with her stuffed animal friends and her little pink blanket, and I can't believe I haven't always had her. Of course part of her has always been part of me, and she lived inside me for so long, but it just seems unfathomable that I was ever happy or ever felt complete without being able to reach out and touch her warm, round cheeks or pick her up and have her fall asleep on my belly. I love her and her dad so much that everything else just seems secondary sometimes.