Chivalry – The word perhaps brings up images of knights in shining armor doing battle for the attention of yonder maiden fair. Perhaps it brings up images of a man in a suit holding a door open for a lady.
Quick word of warning – I will use the traditional gender roles, but understand that it does not matter, truly, what gender you are. Chivalry and the code of the gentleman applies to both sexes and all people.
There was no true “code of chivalry” as some try to write. It was a moral system which went beyond the rules or combat and introduced the concept of Chivalrous conduct. This were idealized qualities such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry towards women. Courtly love was also incorporated.
The Song of Roland gives us a good representation of the Knights Codes of Chivalry:
•To fear God and maintain His Church
•TO server the liege lord in valour and faith
•To protect the weak and defenceless
•To give succor to widows and orphans
•To refrain from the wonton giving of offence
•To live by honour and for glory
•To despise pecuniary reward
•To fight for the welfare of all
•To obey those placed in authority
•To guard the honour of fellow knights
•To eschew unfairness, meanness and deceit
•To keep faith
•At all times to speak the truth
•To persevere to the end in any enterprise began
•To respect the honour of women
•Never to refuse a challenge from an equal
•Never to turn the back upon a foe.
This description is from the 8th century and as you can see, not much of it has to do with combat.
In the 14th century the Duke of Burgandy describes these virtues for Chivalry in “Code of Chivalry”:
•Faith
•Charity
•Justice
•Sagacity
•Prudence
•Temperance
•Resolution
•Truth
•Liberality
•Diligence
•Hope
•Valour
In these days, Courtly Love is almost does not exist. However here are the Rules of Courtly Love as written by the 12th century Frenchman, Andreas Capellanus.
1)Marriage is no real excuse for not loving
2)He who is not jealous cannot love
3)No one can be bound by a double love
4)It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing
5)That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish
6)Boys do not love until they arrive at the age of maturity
7)When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor
8)No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons
9)No one can love unless he is impelled by the persuasion of love
10)Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice
11)It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry
12)A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved
13)When made public lover rarely endures
14)The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty of attainment makes it prized
15)Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved
16)When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved, his heart palpitates
17)A new love puts to flight an old one
18)Good character alone makes any man worthy of love
19)If love diminishes, it quickly faies and rarely revives
20)A man in love is always apprehensive
21)Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love
22)Jealousy, and therefore love, are increased when one suspects his beloved
23)He whom the thought of loves vexes eats and sleeps very little
24)Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved
25)A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved
26)Love can deny nothing to love
27)A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved
28)A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved
29)Aa man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love
30)A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved
31)Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.
There you have the “rules” of courtly love. Now, why am I writing all of this down you may ask… Because I have been reminiscing about my childhood and my fascination with Knights and the code of Chivalry. You see, while I was growing up, I did not have a strong male role model. My mother was a single mother and what relationships she did have were often abusive and prove to failure. I was a very active scamp and was rarely at home once I reached the age of 10 or so. I would be out of the house as soon as I could and not return until as late as I could get away with. Sometimes that meant the early evening and others, when my mother was on a bender or absorbed in her current man, meant the wee hours of the morning. I would get into fights, I would get into trouble, and I would generally be a nuisance.
This all changed on my 12th birthday. I met a man in the neighbourhood who ran a game of Advanced Dungeons and Dragons! (yes, I am old) He lent a book to me that contained the stories of the Knights of the Round Table. Let me tell you, I was fascinated by them. He also invited me to join in the games and essentially took me off the street. I began spending every spare moment learning the legends of King Arthur and his knights. I studied the tomes of lore given to me (gaming books, fiction, non-fiction). It was this time that I also began training in the Martial arts, and began wrestling in school.
Gawain was my favorite, often portrayed as a formidable, courteous, and also a compassionate warrior, fiercely loyal to his king and family. He is a friend to young knights, a defender of the poor, and as “the maidens’ knight”, a defender of women as well. I patterned my behavior after this Knight and began learning the meaning of Chivalry. I began treating people differently, my grades skyrocketed and I became a champion wrestler and a force to be reckoned with at various martial arts tournaments. Fast forward a mess of years and I am now a successful Martial Arts instructor on the cusp of owning my own school. My life is all roses, except for one…. My lack of a sustaining and long lasting relationship. It has been said before that if you keep doing the right things, the right things will happen. So here’s to hoping!
