SO
went to NH to pal around with the ex. It was fun and all, but my mind was somewhere else. That situation is so tired and drawn out. I was supposed to go with her to her cousin's wedding and rehearsal dinner but I backed out of it two weeks ahead of time. Partly because I started seeing someone else, and partly cause I didn't want to be the ex/friend/fuck buddy around her family. She doesn't know that I'm seeing someone else.
This is the deal: I don't know what the fuck I'm doing right now, other than staying comfortable, losing weight and keeping afloat (monetarily). Other than those things, I haven't started looking for another job, I haven't looked into moving, I'm not sure if I really need to be in another relationship and I will probably always be in love with my ex. I'm kind of broken, and it took me hooking up with 2 other women, then hooking up with the ex, now starting something else and trying not to communicate with the ex.
This girl likes me, likes me a lot. I haven't felt that in a long time, and it freaks me the fuck out. I'm a little reluctant and standoffish, and it seems like it is happening so quickly. I feel like if we stay together longer than a few months, either her or I will get really attached, and I don't want to hurt anybody and find it really hard to be a dick, even to the point I will repress things. I think I'm stronger now, and I feel really challenged. It is taking more of an effort to be with this person, and may I need to give a little effort towards something else right now.
Bleh, all else is dandy, I'm so enthralled with football, I'm neglecting my thoughts and feelings about things. I feel I'm getting dumber, and its always something I've wanted. Maybe its time to go to grad school.
went to NH to pal around with the ex. It was fun and all, but my mind was somewhere else. That situation is so tired and drawn out. I was supposed to go with her to her cousin's wedding and rehearsal dinner but I backed out of it two weeks ahead of time. Partly because I started seeing someone else, and partly cause I didn't want to be the ex/friend/fuck buddy around her family. She doesn't know that I'm seeing someone else.
This is the deal: I don't know what the fuck I'm doing right now, other than staying comfortable, losing weight and keeping afloat (monetarily). Other than those things, I haven't started looking for another job, I haven't looked into moving, I'm not sure if I really need to be in another relationship and I will probably always be in love with my ex. I'm kind of broken, and it took me hooking up with 2 other women, then hooking up with the ex, now starting something else and trying not to communicate with the ex.
This girl likes me, likes me a lot. I haven't felt that in a long time, and it freaks me the fuck out. I'm a little reluctant and standoffish, and it seems like it is happening so quickly. I feel like if we stay together longer than a few months, either her or I will get really attached, and I don't want to hurt anybody and find it really hard to be a dick, even to the point I will repress things. I think I'm stronger now, and I feel really challenged. It is taking more of an effort to be with this person, and may I need to give a little effort towards something else right now.
Bleh, all else is dandy, I'm so enthralled with football, I'm neglecting my thoughts and feelings about things. I feel I'm getting dumber, and its always something I've wanted. Maybe its time to go to grad school.
that probably seems trite and maybe trivial, but it's what matters the most.
oh, and good job on losing weight! what have you been doing?