One thing that's holding me back though is that I've fallen in love. There is a boy I met half a year ago on the internet who lives about an hour away from me that I've been seeing for the duration of the 6 months or so that we've known each other. I've loved people before, but not like this. My love for him is full, selfless, passionate- the stuff of Shakespearean sonnets, cheesy, hokey shit like that. He's so incredible. He is hard-working, witty and intelligent and he treats me better than any other romantic interest has ever treated me. I wish I could give him everything and it pains me to leave him behind because I know- so well by now- that things are probably going to change. We haven't been in a relationship and might not get to be at this point and that hurts a lot because I, at the tender young age of 19 (going on 20, mind you), want to share at least this next era of my life with him. I want to take care of him, and support him, and give nice things to him. But it's going to be only that much more difficult trying to do from the other side of the country. It's hard and we're both heartbroken, but he supports me and knows that the only reason I am leaving is that, in terms of the bigger picture, it's for the best.
Even now as I make short-term goals for myself and consider transferring, I can't help but center them around him a little bit. I think about transferring to a school in his city, or saving money to move to live near him. And I know this isn't the smartest thing to do and that I should look at the bigger picture and not limit myself around one person, but what if I want him to be a part of my bigger picture? It's a gamble either way, isn't it? No matter what I end up doing there is not guarantee that it was the best decision I made for myself or that I will be completely happy, so what if all I can do is to just go for what I really want?