babyb

Another rainy day...I didn't have to go in to work this morning. I should be using this extra time, before my show tonight, productively...I have a whole list of "should do's". However, I've been keeping such a lightening pace for so long, I'm feeling my engines stall, halting and shirking all responsibility, as I continue to sink in to my computer chair. Who needs to move forward, when there are things to look at, dreams to build...dreams that are remaining temporarilly stagnant?

I light my last cigarette...damn poverty...I'll have to make a choice between saving and smoking. I'd quit for 6 months, but in the contant push, have started again. Crazy how people seem to like me better...guess it levels me out a bit. I'm less of a self righteous bitch when I'm not a "non-smoker".

My crazy neighbor is mowing his lawn in the rain. God, I can't wait to get out of here.

I hope I'm not instilling too much hope in this move. I am constantly comforting myself with, "it will all be better in the new house". I've begun to look at it the way Christians must look at heaven. So many projects are "on hold till I have the space". Everything will all be better. Or is it just an excuse to put things off? If life has taught me anything, there will just be new problems. Realistically, not pessimistically. If I have to wait to get to the bull, I have to remember to take it by the horns once I get there, not neglect it, and moan about how far away it still seems.

Taking my own advice, I should get off my ass, put something in my belly, and get some of those "should do's" put to bed.