My weekend was insane! I watched DVD'S at home with my friend Cindy on Friday evening. Million Dollar Baby was excellent for the first time in ages I watched a movie that made me sob like a baby, I needed that release. Clint Eastwoods charactor reminded me of my Dad. My Dad passed away three years ago so any depiction of a paternal relationship really stings.
On Saturday night a few of my friends joined me at The Palms and we ended up getting totally shit faced. We went to Peters place afterwards where we drank and drank and drank and behaved like total hooligans(sp?) I ended up getting thrown in the pool with my clothes on twice. The pool was a lovelly dark green colour. I threw Scotty in the pool he had is phone with him and after he got out he decided he may as well leave the phone in the pool as it was wet so he threw it in the pool again, the pool was so green that we couldn't retrieve the phone later when we all sobered up and regained some of our senses. I fell off a chair and bruised my entire backside and then the alcohol indused psychoses set in and I had a huge go at my friends fiance about how he is a c#nt and doesn't deserve Lee-anne. I don't remember any of this as I was completely FUCT!
I have serious issues with men, when I am conscious I see men as equal to woman but deep in my subconscious I see them as pathetic and weak and devoid of morality! it's something that I need to sort out. I may ask my hypnotherapist to help me there.
I also read this book called " What smart women know" . It gave me a lot of clarity with regards to my choices in men, I am a chronic sabotour. I choose men who I know aren't real emotional risks because I know they are incapable of intimacy and that's what I guess I am afraid of. I want the consistent, patient more mundane love but as soon as things settle I will find something to fight about, to create chaos just to keep things intense and hectic! I don't know how to hold still with a partner. I can hold still on my own but even then that is really hard for me.
When does this journey that I am get any easier!! I am so sick of having all these crappy issues!!
On Saturday night a few of my friends joined me at The Palms and we ended up getting totally shit faced. We went to Peters place afterwards where we drank and drank and drank and behaved like total hooligans(sp?) I ended up getting thrown in the pool with my clothes on twice. The pool was a lovelly dark green colour. I threw Scotty in the pool he had is phone with him and after he got out he decided he may as well leave the phone in the pool as it was wet so he threw it in the pool again, the pool was so green that we couldn't retrieve the phone later when we all sobered up and regained some of our senses. I fell off a chair and bruised my entire backside and then the alcohol indused psychoses set in and I had a huge go at my friends fiance about how he is a c#nt and doesn't deserve Lee-anne. I don't remember any of this as I was completely FUCT!
I have serious issues with men, when I am conscious I see men as equal to woman but deep in my subconscious I see them as pathetic and weak and devoid of morality! it's something that I need to sort out. I may ask my hypnotherapist to help me there.
I also read this book called " What smart women know" . It gave me a lot of clarity with regards to my choices in men, I am a chronic sabotour. I choose men who I know aren't real emotional risks because I know they are incapable of intimacy and that's what I guess I am afraid of. I want the consistent, patient more mundane love but as soon as things settle I will find something to fight about, to create chaos just to keep things intense and hectic! I don't know how to hold still with a partner. I can hold still on my own but even then that is really hard for me.
When does this journey that I am get any easier!! I am so sick of having all these crappy issues!!
xerxes:
*insert good advice here* Million dollar baby is excellent, I also cried my pretty eyes out.