OK the emotional rollercoaster continues. Last night I stayed at home and read a few back issues of Readers Digest. I read an article about a mother describiing the pangs of letting go and allowing her children to grow up and make mistakes. She constantly refers to one of the imaginary creatures from the book Dr. Doolittle, it's called a pushme pullme or something ( a lama with two heads on either side that can see you coming from every direction and is completely impossible to catch) and everytime she has to walk away from her crying child for example at her first day of school she sees this creature almost appear in the corner of her eye.
That's kinda how I feel with men who I have become attached to, walking away becomes a jerky woddling tottering affair with loads of internal drama which normally leads to the consumption of copious amounts of alcohol and then some drink and dial nonsense which normally leads to further chaos. I just hope that this time it is different!
I also read an article on intimacy and how during relationships chemistry in the brain leads to all sorts of emotional upheaval between your partner and yourself and that if you understand what is really happening then you can accomodate for the changes without losing the plot in your relationship. I guess I will try that next time
Spoke to Justin last night he was at the Casino I am almost certain he was using again. It sounded as though he wants a divorce, he is no where near ready for the kind of commitment,that marriage requires, it is so sad that has done this to himself. It's like he has this little picture of how success and happiness is supposed to be, how it is supposed to look and he worked towards getting it but as soon as he got it he started destroying it. It is like he is forcing himself to live up to his someone elses ideals and standards, he doesn't know who he is or what he wants. I am glad I am not him!!!!
As for Anton, I miss him but my friends are all right he doesn't deserve me! Not that I am perfect I am just more of a woman than he is a man and only because I have done the work required and he has avoided all his life!
That's kinda how I feel with men who I have become attached to, walking away becomes a jerky woddling tottering affair with loads of internal drama which normally leads to the consumption of copious amounts of alcohol and then some drink and dial nonsense which normally leads to further chaos. I just hope that this time it is different!
I also read an article on intimacy and how during relationships chemistry in the brain leads to all sorts of emotional upheaval between your partner and yourself and that if you understand what is really happening then you can accomodate for the changes without losing the plot in your relationship. I guess I will try that next time
Spoke to Justin last night he was at the Casino I am almost certain he was using again. It sounded as though he wants a divorce, he is no where near ready for the kind of commitment,that marriage requires, it is so sad that has done this to himself. It's like he has this little picture of how success and happiness is supposed to be, how it is supposed to look and he worked towards getting it but as soon as he got it he started destroying it. It is like he is forcing himself to live up to his someone elses ideals and standards, he doesn't know who he is or what he wants. I am glad I am not him!!!!
As for Anton, I miss him but my friends are all right he doesn't deserve me! Not that I am perfect I am just more of a woman than he is a man and only because I have done the work required and he has avoided all his life!
I see you go to the teknotribe parties. I used to, but so long ago I can hardly remember a thing, about 4 and 5 years ago. I often danced to Nick Grater's music at places like GASS, before it got closed down.
I mostly grew out of dance music. I guess I spent so much time in the "rave" scene in the late 90's, and then too much time, way too much time partying with the psitrance guys like Lunartech and Mushroom Mafia in the early 2000's that I eventually got bored.
The only dance parties I still go to are either private affairs (which we don't have so many of anymore) or when my friends throw parties. (Most notably the SECRET parties that my friend Aragorn used to have at the Horror Cafe.)
Well, good day to you.
hope you have a good weekend hun