Well I am in much better spirits today and I don't mean the alcoholic kind. I spoke to Justin on the phone for about two hours last night. It was really weird, he hasn't grown up or changed at all. It is like he just carried on our crazy relationship with this poor young girl and she honestly did not know what she signed up for, she is a lot younger than I am. I am really gratefull to her in one way for saving me from that situation although I really feel for her, I know what he is capable of and I made him a Quassi God by allowing him to treat me like total crap and loving him more for it, she is doing the same thing and it's really sad for her. They are currently living apart and there are all sorts of threats of devorce going on, he is still taking a shit load of drugs and flying off the handle, storming off and binging whenever he doesn't get his way. I realised that I have been pining over someone else for the last two years, I held on to the good attributes that he has and amplified them and created this image of this completely idealised person that doesn't exist. I then used it to keep myself detached from all other men including Anton. I believe that Marisa is doing the same with Anton, she sees him as a Quassi God and no matter how much he disrespects her she holds on to him and this idea she has of who he is. This whole thing for her has nothing to do with him and everything to do with her not being responsible for her own emotions, she sees him as some sort of prize that she is in competition for which is really sad as he is a human being and not a trophee. It's the same I suspect for him as he doesn't have to be responsible when she accepts the way he behaves in her passive aggressive manner without confronting it maturely. In the end if Anton decides to get involved with anyone right now he will end up rehashing his relationship with Marisa and all his unresolved baggage with them, he won't grow as he is simply avoiding and I am not up for that. Baggage is not cute!! Once again I know where I am at and it has nothing to do with a man and how he may or may not feel about me. 
and why do woman always go for the guy that treats them like shit
You are too precious to settle for anything less than a man who will cherish you, protect you, & respect you for the incredible woman that you are, & quietly fill your heart with a deep-seated sense of peace & joy.
Below are the lyrics to one of my favourite Nick Cave songs. I consider myself incredibly blessed to have found a man who can offer me this kind of understanding & devotion. I hope that someday you, too, will uncover such a gem...
Come sail your ships around me
And burn your bridges down
We make a little history, baby
Every time you come around
Come loose your dogs upon me
And let your hair hang down
You are a little mystery to me
Every time you come around
We talk about it all night long
We define our moral ground
But when I crawl into your arms
Everything comes tumbling down
Come sail your ships around me
And burn your bridges down
We make a little history, baby
Every time you come around
Your face has fallen sad now
For you know the time is nigh
When I must remove your wings
And you, you must try to fly
Come sail your ships around me
And burn your bridges down
We make a little history, baby
Every time you come around
Come loose your dogs upon me
And let your hair hang down
You are a little mystery to me
Every time you come around