azzura

Today has been really crappy, I got a fine this morning of R300 because I drove over the yellow line to get on to Grayston on ramp and a stupid copper stopped me. I also realised that I need to sit down and chat to Anton and complete things with him properly otherwise I am going to get stuck like I did with Justin. It isn't really something that I want to do, I wish I could just get over it but there is a lot of unresolved and misunderstood stuff between us that I have been made aware of in the last couple of days and I need this break up to be a tidy one, not like the last one. I am sad, not sure why think I am just grieving the loss of a pipe dream that gave me hope for a while. I guess the truth of the matter is that when I " realised" that he was what I had been waiting for my whole life it was just a combination of redwine, loneliness and his own misrepresentation of himself. It sucks to let go of a dream that gave me hope for so long, now there is no face to attach to the remnants of my smothered hope, I just feel alone and there is no one that I want and it sucks! I want to cry but I can't, I am sore but I am numb. It has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me, I am going to see a therapist for a couple of sessions just to try and get through this miserable little patch.