Never really written a blog before, usually I blah on and on then ctrl A and delete it. This time I will probably waffle a lot and just leave it up.
So me, who am I. If only I knew! I work hard, try to stay smiling and always try to help others. Thats good right? Then there is the depression side of me, the daily struggle with is today worth actually living. Even when I smile and the customers and say 'Fine thanks, you mate?' I often have that internal monologue calling me a liar. I think thats what i am really, a living breathing lie. Not that I lie, but more of the fact that I never let my true feelings out. I feel that year of having to keep myself alive by bottling up my emotions has left me somewhat a barren landscape for happiness, excitement and joy. Instead its a forced smile to seem like I am those things.
I probably have lost most people by now, another sad person on the internet, looking for someone to talk to who I can actually communicate to without worrying they will leave me because of it. Maybe I am drawn to writing this because maybe there is someone on here that will do that. Probably the reason I havent deleted this post already.
Im not all doom and gloom I promise! I enjoy things, like my gaming, painting, building and making models. I can also hold a good conversation, with out needing 'so what you doing now' or mentioning the weather every 2 minutes! I try my hardest not to talk about me, I like listening to other peoples lives, their triumphs and what has made them happy, I absorb that energy and usually it makes my day that little better.
Hopefully this will open up some avenues to someone else, maybe in a similar situation to talk to me, we can hopefully get a little better together.
BN