Cats are brats, am I right? In the kitten play community, there are a lot of kitten brats! My own Human affectionately refers to me as BratKatt, and I know I’m not the only one! It’s fun to be a brat, and many kittens tend to be playful and mischievous. But where do we draw the line between bratty fun and toxic obstinance?
First we need to look at what it means to be a brat. What is the purpose? What is the goal? Like any aspect of BDSM, there are a variety of ways to express brattiness and looking at all of them goes beyond the scope of this post. I’ve tried to narrow bratty expression down to a few main categories. Any brat may identify with any number of the following examples, or none at all.
The Masochist
This brat wants to provoke a punishment. They will purposefully break rules or antagonize their dom in order to get themselves in trouble. This often leads to impact play scenes and red bottoms. Goal accomplished! In a healthy brat relationship, I call this a funishment. Both the dom and the brat should enjoy the provocation and the resulting consequences.
The Challenger
This brat may challenge their dom for dominance, but with the expectation that they will ultimately lose. They want to draw out and crank up their dom’s dominance, to be mentally or physically overpowered. The struggle is exciting. Losing to a powerful dom is even more exciting. This makes the brat feel truly submissive.
The Trickster
This brat looks for loopholes in the rules. They are snarky pranksters, and their bratting results in a lot of laughter and giggles. They can be sneaky and silly. They brat for the fun of it, despite the consequences. Many will even try to sweet talk and bargain their way out of being punished! Doms with trickster brats need to have a good sense of humor.
The Dominant
Although this post focuses on submissive brats, as they’re the most common, I do want to spend some time talking about bratty doms, because those exist too. A bratty dom generally (for the sake of brevity) enjoys being spoiled by their submissives. Of course, kittens deserve to be worshipped from atop the comfiest of cushions, right?
The Toxic Brat
Always, the point of bratting is to have fun. It’s a game that is played with your partner, not a thing that is done to your partner. The goal should always be mutual enjoyment and pleasure. Consent is the most important part of any dynamic, and that applies to brat dynamics as well. If your partner is getting frustrated or angry then you need to end the scene and communicate.
Too often I see the word “brat” being used to excuse unhealthy power exchange behavior. Nobody in a power exchange relationship (or any relationship) should be trying to provoke genuine disappointment, frustration, or anger in their partners. Being a difficult submissive does not make you a brat - at least not in the BDSM context of the word.
If you find your brattiness causing real negative feelings within your dynamic, then it’s important to slow down and communicate. Talk to your partner about your wants and needs, and let them express their own. Is your bratting a mask for something else? Why do you feel the need to be a brat? Is your bratting a choice you’re making or a reflection of unhealthy habits?
Brat dynamics can be so much fun! As a brat, I inspire so much laughter and play within our dynamic. I love seeing his eyes light up with the challenge I bring him. I love the surprised laughs I can pull out of his serious face. I enjoy provoking him into action and inspiring quotable banter. But all of this comes from a place of love and affection, and exists within the boundaries of his consent.
