I was completely fine today. In fact I had been completely fine all week.
Now I have no appetite.
And my butterflies have come back. And I fee like crying, screaming, lashing out and acting exactly like the one who's doing this to me.
I wish that she could just get past her own insecurity and see just what she's doing to me and everyone else. She's become so self absorbed, confused, and delusional that she doesn't see that the people she's chasing off are the ones that really do care about her. Not these so called "friends" of hers that she can hardly ever see, given their occupation. They can't sit there with her online all night and help her sort out her problems. They can't drive to her home and sit there with her to keep her company, They can't just hang out and chill like everyone else can and is willing to do. I'm still willing!
The problem is that she doesn't know what she wants and wants to emulate those around her, so she can try to find her true niche, rather than try to find a life that suits her. And when she does have an idea that she believes in, she expects people to wholeheartedly agree with her, to basic secure her insecurity about herself, make her think that she's on the right path,that she is doing something for herself. And if they dont agree, she gets scared and lashes out and throws false accusations at them in hopes they'll be chased away and she won't have to worry about them disagreeing with her anymore.
I'm not running and I'm pointing out that there is something wrong. She's never dealt with that, and she's scared of that. She's scared that someone will see the real her, something she's been trying to hide her whole life. And she can't do that with me, because essentially, I am her. She is me. Think of it like this: whatever she's thinking, I'm probably thinking. However she's feeling, I might be feeling. Because we're basically cut from the same mold. A lot of me I see in her and vice versa. So I know all her tricks because at one time, they were my tricks to and they nearly ruined my life and caused all those I really did care about to drop away.
Her biggest concern is that if I know the real her, I'll run away. Well, I am seeing the real her. For the first time.
And I still want to be around.
Now I have no appetite.
And my butterflies have come back. And I fee like crying, screaming, lashing out and acting exactly like the one who's doing this to me.
I wish that she could just get past her own insecurity and see just what she's doing to me and everyone else. She's become so self absorbed, confused, and delusional that she doesn't see that the people she's chasing off are the ones that really do care about her. Not these so called "friends" of hers that she can hardly ever see, given their occupation. They can't sit there with her online all night and help her sort out her problems. They can't drive to her home and sit there with her to keep her company, They can't just hang out and chill like everyone else can and is willing to do. I'm still willing!
The problem is that she doesn't know what she wants and wants to emulate those around her, so she can try to find her true niche, rather than try to find a life that suits her. And when she does have an idea that she believes in, she expects people to wholeheartedly agree with her, to basic secure her insecurity about herself, make her think that she's on the right path,that she is doing something for herself. And if they dont agree, she gets scared and lashes out and throws false accusations at them in hopes they'll be chased away and she won't have to worry about them disagreeing with her anymore.
I'm not running and I'm pointing out that there is something wrong. She's never dealt with that, and she's scared of that. She's scared that someone will see the real her, something she's been trying to hide her whole life. And she can't do that with me, because essentially, I am her. She is me. Think of it like this: whatever she's thinking, I'm probably thinking. However she's feeling, I might be feeling. Because we're basically cut from the same mold. A lot of me I see in her and vice versa. So I know all her tricks because at one time, they were my tricks to and they nearly ruined my life and caused all those I really did care about to drop away.
Her biggest concern is that if I know the real her, I'll run away. Well, I am seeing the real her. For the first time.
And I still want to be around.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
oh, and if i don't want to get sunburned, i'll be wearing a humorously oversized yellow nerd hat
[Edited on Jul 02, 2004 6:21AM]