axisofpudding

howdy folks! didja miss me? yeah, me neither.

i'm selling all my stuff and running off to Europe for a currently unknown amount of time. i'm scared shitless of the idea, but i'm doing it anyway. because it's a thing i feel needs to be done. or something. i'm starting in England, and i have a friend in China, so i'll be hitting that up to the best of my ability. probably towards the end. i dunno.

monetarily i'd prefer to couch-surf, but i think hostels may freak me out less. i'm weird and insecure and scared like that.

if anybody has any friends or anything i could stay with, that would be great. but i'm pretty sure nobody reads this, so it's no big deal.

i meant to write in here about my worries and fears and preparations and stuff like that, but i ended up watching several episodes of Lost instead. i fail.

my birthday is on Thursday. i'm having lunch with the family at Chipotle at 11, then selling plasma at 1, then the Big-Ass Twitter Happy Hour starts at 6. it's a relatively full day for me.

god. this trip, possibly combined with my impending 28th, has me feeling fucked up lately. my brother, the other day, described me as "either Jacob Danger or Jacob Whiny-Pissy-Moany, depending on the day", and that's a recent thing. i dunno. i say "i dunno" a lot.

my ex, hethr, came over a few nights ago, to cook me dinner and give me my birthday presents. she and i aren't really speaking yet, it's too soon, and with the Europe thing impending, she figured she might not have a better time. whatever. so she cooked some fucking delicious steaks with onion and asparagus and it was fucking delicious. she gave me Leonard Cohen's debut album on vinyl, a book of Leonard Cohen's poetry, and a burned copy of mewithoutYou - I Never Said I Was Brave, on CD. significant because i've never been able to find that CD anywhere ever. so all in all, she gave me probably one of the best birthday gifts i've ever gotten, and i got a little choked up. and that was okay, until she tried to spend the night. that's not cool, yo. i slept on the couch, she slept in my bed, we haven't talked since. bleh.

i went to return my father's vinyl collection to him, since it's not mine to sell. he said i could sell them. the first record he ever bought was an original pressing of Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. i got choked up again, thinking about selling something that i've always thought was special to him. but perhaps i'm an idiot for assuming he gets attached to his record collection. dunno.

so i'm scared and i'm feeling kinda emotional and feeling like i'm wasting my life/time staying up late watching movies and browsing the web and such and i dunno. i'm only typing this because i'm afraid to put it anywhere else. i'm afraid to tell my parents about my middling little feelings, like they're worth something. or perhaps like they're worth nothing. i dunno. i'm gonna stop typing now before something really dumb happens.

thanks for reading, if you did.