awesomejossie

ARIES: Drinking style: Impulsive Aries people like to party and
sometimes
don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them
prone to closing time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and
they
get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is
a
good way to get what you want out of them,should other methods fail.
Aries
can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever
happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be
counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and
done
anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.

TAURUS: Drinking style: Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace,
aiming
for a mellow glow rather than a full on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated
Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop
inebriate
who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers,
the
preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and
barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that
the
Bull is by any means a teetotaller -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will
get,
er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and is
extremely
amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

GEMINI: Drinking style: Gemini's can drink without changing their
behaviour
much -- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that
it's
just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with
finesse
and allusions, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced
state of
intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Gemini's possess the magic
ability
to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with
several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every
round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow
drinks:
beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.

CANCER: Drinking style: Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra
wine
with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't
it,
Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must
guard
against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties
and
insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style,
Cancers
are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional" (read:
weepy
when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping stories (and
spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favourite Cancer.
Even
your second-favourite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavour
vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up vanilla vodka and soda.

LEO: Drinking style: Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often
fabulous
dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their
commanding
dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're
darling -- Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their
limit,
probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get
over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the
one
that brought them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when
drunk, so
just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and
hung
over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.

VIRGO: Drinking style: Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order
onto
their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to
drinking
less than other signs, sure -- but it could also lead to drinking booze
neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They
rarely get
fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the
intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let
it
loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one
Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low
level of
intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenus IQ!

LIBRA: Drinking style: "I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's
jusht that I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party,
mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favour of Good Libra
(with
Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side
(they are
little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room.
Charming
as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however,
which
can get them into all sorts of trouble -- including wearing their
wobbly
boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with their best
friend's
beau or even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!

SCORPIO: Drinking style: Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough,
for
they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till
they're hog whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to
drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see
the
sauce as something to savour in itself, and not as a
personality-altering
tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total
obliteration.
But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant
conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything
--
especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a
Scorpio who
likes you.

SAGITTARIUS: Drinking style: In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius,
in
booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and
many of
their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink
with.
This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the
sign
of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?).
They're
the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire
crowd
to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or
Cancun.
Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of
loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).

CAPRICORN: Drinking style: Capricorn is usually described as practical,
steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left
off
the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David
Bowie
and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock
star:
independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to
please.
And if they make money being themselves, who are you to quibble? But
just
like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and
they
generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the
after
party, especially if they can hook up with a cute groupie.

AQUARIUS: Drinking style: Aquarius and drinking don't go together that
well
(except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward
know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more
stubborn
than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an
outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get
combative -- and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case.
Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the
best-designated drivers (if you can get them before they start raising
their
wrist): Aquarius is fascinated by drunken people and capable of holding
interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.

PISCES: Drinking style: If you're a Pisces, you've probably already
heard
that you share a sign -- and an addictive personality -- with Liz
Taylor,
Liza Minnelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose
themselves in
the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build
up a
mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the
other
hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation
or in
crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of
margaritas and wind up in bed together for days.The phrase "addictive
personality" can be read two ways, you know.