i think there is a real reason why i avoid writing most of the year, and save it for every november when the NaNo starts. because once i start writing, it all just pours out of me. some of it makes me smile, but most of it makes me sad. writing has always been my escape. if i had a quarter for every poem i wrote about my father, or every unrequited love/love loss i've had, i swear i'd be a millionaire.
i really don't mind sharing fiction with people, or the occasional erotic story. though my poetry....it scares me to share. because most of the time it's so raw, and makes me feel so vulnerable. i think it's much harder here too because you all know my life. you know exactly who i'm talking about, and you know exactly what happened in the situations. so it scares me, a lot. but i'm gonna do it, because i'm particularly proud of the poem i wrote tonight.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Lost in Love
Her nights are spent awake
Waiting for him
Waiting to see his smile
To see what he has to say
To spend whatever time they have
Together
Oceans and time separates them now
It kills her
Kills her to think that a year ago
She had everything she could have ever wanted
But then her life was different
Then she was trying to be something
Something she thought she had to be
Time to grow up she thought
Time to be a woman and live her life as such
Though in being that woman she blocked it out
She blocked out a peace and love that she was searching for
She dismissed the one thing she was trying to find
Took for granted every word he said to her
Every smile she got to see face to face
His touch every night
And his strong arms around her every morning
Her actions driving him away every day
By the time she realized it
He was gone
As if he had never existed in her world
He disappeared without too much of a thought
And she died slowly as he watched him live his life with someone else
Someone who came in and gave him everything he deserved
Everything she should have been giving him right alone
Everything that made up the person she really was, but was so desperate to ignore
Though there is something to fate
And she now finds herself lucky to have a piece of him again
True it isnt anything like she had before
But she had a lot of proving to do
And she could accept that
But her days are tormented
Hoping that he will believe her
That he will see that every man since him was merely a distraction
Taking her mind off of the one thing she had lost along the way
Which was her heart
It stays fixated on the man she let go
And though she can only tell him now how she longs for him every day
She hopes that maybe one day she will get the chance
To actually hear all his words again
Feel his hands on her skin at night
And feel his arms around her in the morning
Patience is most certainly a virtue
But she is steadfast
Because she never knew love could be like this
Until the day he left her side
I love your way with words.
that's all i have to say.
nothing is so true as to realize you had the PERFECT guy and fucked it up. that's not me making fun of you, that's me living that same thing.
we don't have the same situations, but i feel like more and more the way you're talking, living and learning your patience now, we are very similar.
good luck learning your lessons. they are tough, they hurt, they rip your heart out sometimes girl, patience is one i am constantly having to remember, and pay attention to daily.
but i have seen great rewards.
consistency - it's the way to prove it. all i have to say is if he deserves this kind of love, love like i have for josh, girl that's once in a lifetime...and he'll come around