Its been so long since iv visted the site, and boy has it changed, i love the new intros to hopefuls. i think that was a great idea, how long ago did they change the format? and did my last set get that sweet ass option. lol.
i miss ya guys, hell i find myself talking about some of the people iv meet online you 4 know who you are..te,he
i am so behind on my mail and comments, request and comments, so please dont think i am ignoring anyone, but i am sure most of you all know my current situation, or at least what i am going through now.
i promise ill be back...
hell id love to spend the afternoon catching up with some of my stuff, but iv scored a chance at working for a local tattoo shop as a receptionist! and lucky for me this place isn't advertising the opening, its sorta who ever shows up and makes a good impression gets the job. wish me luck, cause i am stopping in the shop, and maybe even get a new tattoo put together (thinking of some how working some type of nine inch nails fragile themed work mixed into an existing tattoo) so wish me luck, cause ill need some.
Anyway hers the scene.... i am sitting here in what i used to call my home, 2 months ago i would wake up in the room next to this computer room i am sitting in. 2 months ago, i would type away and crave a cigarette like mad, just like i am at this moment, dam you no smoking in the house rule!!!! 2 months ago this house was filled to the brim with all my belonging and memories, now empty and the echo from the emptiness is deafening at times. How can so much change in a matter of two months?
for the past 2 weeks me and james have been talking, allot!!! we have been seeing each other for a few hours a day, we are gradually working our way up from there. iv spent the whole weekend hanging out with james and our friends, all together just having fun. (its crazy the way this feels like the first time all over again) its just like being 18 again, fresh out of highschool, finding my way and falling in love with a guy i thought id never see again (he graduated 2 years before me,) This is just like the first time all over agian down the the T! back then i thought i would never get a chance to get to know James better, and 3 weeks ago i never thought id get a second chance, i never thought i would get him back. these feeling are what i live for. i have always adored the memories of when me and James first started dating, i cherished all the things we said and did in our first year together. i would always find myself re-telling the story's we had, weather is was us reminiscing, or it it was me telling a friend. And four years later here i am going through it all over again, at enjoying it .
In relationships it rare to get to experiences the first time all over again with the man you, or women you love. Its an was an amazing feeling, kissing James last night on the couch. the butterfly my stomach felt the way my skin felt so sensitive, the way i couldn't stop touching his face. It felt just like the first time i kissed on jun 25th 2005, on a couch, in a living room, the same playful wrestling leading up same situation, only last night had a very different outcome, that first kiss lead to us starting our relationship, last night that kiss lead to allot more,
amazing the way tradige can lead to so much passion, 2 months of anger depression and loneliness where all the both of us felt, but last night we where able to put that aside and let our self go. last night was the best sex i have ever had, no joke, i was left freaking quivering. And i love the fact i can still say that about the man i feel in love with 4 years ago. relationships don't normally get to chance to start over. You don't get to feel love again, fresh with the same person twice, if all goes well (but who is to judge what well is, no one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes, its what you do with them that matters) this break up with a blessing in disguise, it thought the 2 of us so much about ourselves, and so much about each other. with the last two months we both figured out what it was we wanted, it wasn't just a matter of me cheating , this break up was a number of things that became a snow ball and flying down a step slop.
But the situation lead to a change, a change in me, a change in James, a change for the better, We now know what it will take to stay together and be happy and survive. i truly believe that if we did not break up 2 months ago, in another year or so we would have destroyed ourselves and our future. we would have crashed and burned so bad that a second chance would be out of the question. If we can make it through this we will be stronger than ever
"you and me we're in this together now, none of them can stop us now, we will make it through some how"
(anyone wanna take a stab at that ^ ill adore the first person to tell me what that's from?)
i cannot wait to see where last night will lead us to, here i am in what i used to call my home, wasting time before i go to work, while James bust his ass at his sweatshop, opps i mean factory. we are not officially together yet, i cant help but feel its coming. but at this point i am happy with the way we are taking it, the to of us just trying to enjoy life, just taking life day by day and getting the most out of the day. we have the rest of our life's to worries about our future together, i know James well, and he knows me just as well. i know i dont have to push him anymore, i know i need to just let this go and let what happens happen.
for the last 2 months i pushed and pushed, i never gave up on getting him back, at first it was hard, i wont lie the first 2-3 weeks of the break up i went crazy, i lost my mind, and i made bad discussions with the way i was handling our break up, i was hiding in the pills i put down my throat none stop for a month, i spent all my free time high on whatever my friend, and my cousin would give me. but i changed that shit real fast when i found out James knew about my habits, i stopped dead in my tracts with it. with time the two of us cooled down, with time james finally started to listen to me, when i begged and pleaded for a chance to prove myself, in so many ways, my persistence payed off because one night he told me he would take me back after i proved i could be different, and talk care of myself for once in my life., yet another memorie i will never forget but at times i regret my actions last night, i was so excited that pushed for him to let me spend the night, and things happened, things i dont regret, but things that pushed the process back more than i should have been.
I am human though, and so is he, when you share a bed with some one you love, and have not been close to in a month in a half , this will happen.
This situation i am in, you could have so many different outlooks on it, so may say this is unfair for me, some may think i shouldn't go thought this if he really loves me, But the thing is we are in it for the long run, me and james, we are in this forever. that is how deep our love is. When you make a decision to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want to be sure its what you trully want. if not its wasted time and wasted years. This is our way of proving to one another that our love is true.
its all how you look at, this is opportunity to strengthen a bond, this is the sun after months and months of snow....this is me, taking the lemons life gave and making some bombass, super freaking sweet pink lemonade.!!
Sorry for the long ass blog, but i felt like sharing cause you guys have been there giving me advise and kind words to help me through.....
i miss ya guys....maybe ill be back online regularly soon...how knows.
i am still alive, and i am doing good, iv got two jobs now, and iv been looking on the side for a third or at least a better second job....i hope like hell the shop lets me in....
i feel healthy, strong and fit...i feel good...and the best part is, i did this all myself, i pulled through, i pulled james through, i pullled myself... i did this all on my own, with no help. and it feels amazing!
i miss ya guys, hell i find myself talking about some of the people iv meet online you 4 know who you are..te,he
i am so behind on my mail and comments, request and comments, so please dont think i am ignoring anyone, but i am sure most of you all know my current situation, or at least what i am going through now.
i promise ill be back...
hell id love to spend the afternoon catching up with some of my stuff, but iv scored a chance at working for a local tattoo shop as a receptionist! and lucky for me this place isn't advertising the opening, its sorta who ever shows up and makes a good impression gets the job. wish me luck, cause i am stopping in the shop, and maybe even get a new tattoo put together (thinking of some how working some type of nine inch nails fragile themed work mixed into an existing tattoo) so wish me luck, cause ill need some.
Anyway hers the scene.... i am sitting here in what i used to call my home, 2 months ago i would wake up in the room next to this computer room i am sitting in. 2 months ago, i would type away and crave a cigarette like mad, just like i am at this moment, dam you no smoking in the house rule!!!! 2 months ago this house was filled to the brim with all my belonging and memories, now empty and the echo from the emptiness is deafening at times. How can so much change in a matter of two months?
for the past 2 weeks me and james have been talking, allot!!! we have been seeing each other for a few hours a day, we are gradually working our way up from there. iv spent the whole weekend hanging out with james and our friends, all together just having fun. (its crazy the way this feels like the first time all over again) its just like being 18 again, fresh out of highschool, finding my way and falling in love with a guy i thought id never see again (he graduated 2 years before me,) This is just like the first time all over agian down the the T! back then i thought i would never get a chance to get to know James better, and 3 weeks ago i never thought id get a second chance, i never thought i would get him back. these feeling are what i live for. i have always adored the memories of when me and James first started dating, i cherished all the things we said and did in our first year together. i would always find myself re-telling the story's we had, weather is was us reminiscing, or it it was me telling a friend. And four years later here i am going through it all over again, at enjoying it .
In relationships it rare to get to experiences the first time all over again with the man you, or women you love. Its an was an amazing feeling, kissing James last night on the couch. the butterfly my stomach felt the way my skin felt so sensitive, the way i couldn't stop touching his face. It felt just like the first time i kissed on jun 25th 2005, on a couch, in a living room, the same playful wrestling leading up same situation, only last night had a very different outcome, that first kiss lead to us starting our relationship, last night that kiss lead to allot more,
amazing the way tradige can lead to so much passion, 2 months of anger depression and loneliness where all the both of us felt, but last night we where able to put that aside and let our self go. last night was the best sex i have ever had, no joke, i was left freaking quivering. And i love the fact i can still say that about the man i feel in love with 4 years ago. relationships don't normally get to chance to start over. You don't get to feel love again, fresh with the same person twice, if all goes well (but who is to judge what well is, no one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes, its what you do with them that matters) this break up with a blessing in disguise, it thought the 2 of us so much about ourselves, and so much about each other. with the last two months we both figured out what it was we wanted, it wasn't just a matter of me cheating , this break up was a number of things that became a snow ball and flying down a step slop.
But the situation lead to a change, a change in me, a change in James, a change for the better, We now know what it will take to stay together and be happy and survive. i truly believe that if we did not break up 2 months ago, in another year or so we would have destroyed ourselves and our future. we would have crashed and burned so bad that a second chance would be out of the question. If we can make it through this we will be stronger than ever
"you and me we're in this together now, none of them can stop us now, we will make it through some how"
(anyone wanna take a stab at that ^ ill adore the first person to tell me what that's from?)
i cannot wait to see where last night will lead us to, here i am in what i used to call my home, wasting time before i go to work, while James bust his ass at his sweatshop, opps i mean factory. we are not officially together yet, i cant help but feel its coming. but at this point i am happy with the way we are taking it, the to of us just trying to enjoy life, just taking life day by day and getting the most out of the day. we have the rest of our life's to worries about our future together, i know James well, and he knows me just as well. i know i dont have to push him anymore, i know i need to just let this go and let what happens happen.
for the last 2 months i pushed and pushed, i never gave up on getting him back, at first it was hard, i wont lie the first 2-3 weeks of the break up i went crazy, i lost my mind, and i made bad discussions with the way i was handling our break up, i was hiding in the pills i put down my throat none stop for a month, i spent all my free time high on whatever my friend, and my cousin would give me. but i changed that shit real fast when i found out James knew about my habits, i stopped dead in my tracts with it. with time the two of us cooled down, with time james finally started to listen to me, when i begged and pleaded for a chance to prove myself, in so many ways, my persistence payed off because one night he told me he would take me back after i proved i could be different, and talk care of myself for once in my life., yet another memorie i will never forget
but at times i regret my actions last night, i was so excited that pushed for him to let me spend the night, and things happened, things i dont regret, but things that pushed the process back more than i should have been.
I am human though, and so is he, when you share a bed with some one you love, and have not been close to in a month in a half , this will happen.
This situation i am in, you could have so many different outlooks on it, so may say this is unfair for me, some may think i shouldn't go thought this if he really loves me, But the thing is we are in it for the long run, me and james, we are in this forever. that is how deep our love is. When you make a decision to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want to be sure its what you trully want. if not its wasted time and wasted years. This is our way of proving to one another that our love is true.
its all how you look at, this is opportunity to strengthen a bond, this is the sun after months and months of snow....this is me, taking the lemons life gave and making some bombass, super freaking sweet pink lemonade.!!
Sorry for the long ass blog, but i felt like sharing cause you guys have been there giving me advise and kind words to help me through.....
i miss ya guys....maybe ill be back online regularly soon...how knows.
i am still alive, and i am doing good, iv got two jobs now, and iv been looking on the side for a third or at least a better second job....i hope like hell the shop lets me in....
i feel healthy, strong and fit...i feel good...and the best part is, i did this all myself, i pulled through, i pulled james through, i pullled myself... i did this all on my own, with no help. and it feels amazing!
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haha