autrix

Well, we all saw it comming, here it is.

Anothing depressing entry.

If you dont wanna hear it, dont read on.

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I want to die. Its funny, the only thing that keeps me alive is feelings, and the only thing i want to die because of is feelings. My life seems to be in shambles.... im unemployed, I feel like im wasting my time in school, The girl that i thought was dating wont even call me anymore, i havent seen her in two weeks. im twenty years old and my mother and sister are supporting me from 2000 miles away.

if all of my family was dead, or didnt care about me. id be dead. seriously... I actually wish they didnt care... the only thing that keeps me going is the fear of hurting others....

Suicide is selfish, but its a respectful choice. someone shouldnt be forced to go day to day in complete misery. I just wish people understood that choice better.

I feel so useless and alone. a 20 year old virgin, ive never had a serious relationship, ive never felt love... well mutual love anyways. ive had my crushes and ive had nothing but rejection...

I keep feeling that its time to pick up sticks again and move. But now that im in school i really cant.... ive got alot of feelings telling me to drop up and run away, i just feel fucking useless

Theres nothing in this world for me... i wish i believed in reincarnation, then maybe i could be born again as a happy person.

Fucking life. i dont even leave the house anymore these days, becuase i know if i do i have to resort into pretending im happy. I know that if i leave, the same damn hobos will beg for the change i dont have, and when i tell them im poor they yell at me and call me a worthless piece of shit thats an embarrassment to this country.

I feel empty and hollow, there hasnt been a day in the last week ive been sober. maybe ive got a problem, or maybe ive just stopped caring.

School starts again next monday, and i havent even got enough money to take the bus there. im sick of being challenged..... im sick of not being the best any anything.

I wish i had a job where i didnt have to quit. a place where i could actually feel useful. instead of being forced to sell a product that i wouldnt touch with a ten foot pole.

Im sick of everything. im sick of being a member of this site, everyone calls it a porn site. I dont. i wanted to be here for the community, and being around other people like me for a change, but nobody can see that.

Im sick of art school. Nobody there is any good at art. maybe one or two people out of the 1700 students. I cant help but thinking that everyone says the same thing about me. Maybe i suck at art. maybe once i get out of this school, with that 70,000 dollar piece of paper ill find out i suck. and that it was all a waste of my time. not that my time isnt wasted doing other pointless going nowhere shit.

I hate Everything. I make everyone unhappy. i doubt ill die of natural causes at the end of my life. becuase im sure someday ill slip off the edge.

Its tragic, no?