It seems I've slipped off the hook...
Im drinking too much and not drinking too little. I hadnt even noticed until looked at all my beer cans in the trash and around my bed...
I feel gross... I dont like the way everyone on here automatically assumes im a pervert... Im not even here for the nudity. as Ive said before, Im here to meet people-- Broaden my horizons and such. I havent looked at much porn on here... sure a few sets here and there, but strictly as an artist.
I havent shot a picture in years. I miss my cameras. Especially my medium formats... I miss Breaking into abandoned factories in wisconsin... I miss my friends... This city is so jaded.. never before has anybody felt 'uncomfortable around me'... I come from a small city, im used to being friendly, and greating stangers... I dont mind people staring at me.... maybe i should... maybe i shouldnt be so nice, maybe everyone should go fuck themselves...
I cant help but feeling that im going nowhere fast. I cant keep a steady job, im too lazy, and I dont think my major will get me anywhere....
Do you ever notice how some times everything seems to crumble, and other times the world is your oyster.
I feel lost. I need help. I need somebody to love.
This all points back to what happened on christmas. My "girlfriend" called me, and said we had to talk.... keep in mind that we were never officially going out, but i assumed we had been... Anyway, she called me and said i wasnt her boyfriend. i was mearly an affair.... and here i was thinking that i had finally found love.... for the first time in twenty years... but im weak. I forgave her and told her i was willing to work it out, because she said she wanted to leave her boyfriend....
I was willing to give my virginity to her.... and i almost had the week before christmas, she asked me too, but i said i wasnt ready yet.... i mean, WHAT if i lost my virginity to her, and then found out she wasnt really even with me.... these are the things that keep me a virgin: my fears of being let down.... my fears of being fucked over...
-Maybe ill stay a virgin forever.... maybe ill always be alone... Maybe, just maybe, ill die tommarrow...
Its the uncertainty in this world that drives me insane. And its the people that make me wanna leave it.
Sorry for making you read this... im sorry i had to write this.
-trims
Im drinking too much and not drinking too little. I hadnt even noticed until looked at all my beer cans in the trash and around my bed...
I feel gross... I dont like the way everyone on here automatically assumes im a pervert... Im not even here for the nudity. as Ive said before, Im here to meet people-- Broaden my horizons and such. I havent looked at much porn on here... sure a few sets here and there, but strictly as an artist.
I havent shot a picture in years. I miss my cameras. Especially my medium formats... I miss Breaking into abandoned factories in wisconsin... I miss my friends... This city is so jaded.. never before has anybody felt 'uncomfortable around me'... I come from a small city, im used to being friendly, and greating stangers... I dont mind people staring at me.... maybe i should... maybe i shouldnt be so nice, maybe everyone should go fuck themselves...
I cant help but feeling that im going nowhere fast. I cant keep a steady job, im too lazy, and I dont think my major will get me anywhere....
Do you ever notice how some times everything seems to crumble, and other times the world is your oyster.
I feel lost. I need help. I need somebody to love.
This all points back to what happened on christmas. My "girlfriend" called me, and said we had to talk.... keep in mind that we were never officially going out, but i assumed we had been... Anyway, she called me and said i wasnt her boyfriend. i was mearly an affair.... and here i was thinking that i had finally found love.... for the first time in twenty years... but im weak. I forgave her and told her i was willing to work it out, because she said she wanted to leave her boyfriend....
I was willing to give my virginity to her.... and i almost had the week before christmas, she asked me too, but i said i wasnt ready yet.... i mean, WHAT if i lost my virginity to her, and then found out she wasnt really even with me.... these are the things that keep me a virgin: my fears of being let down.... my fears of being fucked over...
-Maybe ill stay a virgin forever.... maybe ill always be alone... Maybe, just maybe, ill die tommarrow...
Its the uncertainty in this world that drives me insane. And its the people that make me wanna leave it.
Sorry for making you read this... im sorry i had to write this.
-trims
My cam will be on.
bye