Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, hypothetically, literally exhausted. I'm pooped. I have this conflict going on inside right now, involving alone time versus non-alone time...each side pulling me with equal weight in opposite directions...pulling me thin, and causing my brain to bounce from one perspective to the other so rapidly that they cancel each other out, leaving my brain numb and confused, trying to make sense of the conflict and tension going on inside. I have no one to talk to about this, that sounds so pathetic but true, I can't talk to my significant other about this because it involves him and I'm trying to make sense of the mess before launching it at him....so that I can state "Babe, hereforeto is the proposed issue: blah blah blah"....instead of going to him and opening my mouth and nothing comes out but this emotional volcano, trying to construct whole thoughts inbetween sobs and frustrated sighs. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
My strict drawing regiment I created for myself for this semester off of school isn't going so well either. It was postponed due to awful illness soon after it was initiated, and now that I'm better when I put pencil to paper I am so overcome with self doubt, intense concentration on what I'm doing wrong, what I should be doing better, and how I'm failing as an illustrator alltogether freezes me until I find small things to procrastinate with that leave me with some sort of temporary relief from my stress, like reading the Donnor parties' historic journal entries online, or doing a totally random, generic painting of a pattern that doesn't require any thought, skill, or strain whatsoever.
(big sigh)
Please forgive my rambling sentences and horrible grammer, if I paused to think about it, I would stop to censor my thoughts, and who knows what sort of watered now censored bullshit would end up being posted.
But now, I'm going to go solve one big problem that's gone unadressed for too long, and with but a handful of quarters and some Tide. That will bring me a sense of accomplishment that might last the rest of the day.
My strict drawing regiment I created for myself for this semester off of school isn't going so well either. It was postponed due to awful illness soon after it was initiated, and now that I'm better when I put pencil to paper I am so overcome with self doubt, intense concentration on what I'm doing wrong, what I should be doing better, and how I'm failing as an illustrator alltogether freezes me until I find small things to procrastinate with that leave me with some sort of temporary relief from my stress, like reading the Donnor parties' historic journal entries online, or doing a totally random, generic painting of a pattern that doesn't require any thought, skill, or strain whatsoever.
(big sigh)
Please forgive my rambling sentences and horrible grammer, if I paused to think about it, I would stop to censor my thoughts, and who knows what sort of watered now censored bullshit would end up being posted.
But now, I'm going to go solve one big problem that's gone unadressed for too long, and with but a handful of quarters and some Tide. That will bring me a sense of accomplishment that might last the rest of the day.
Self-doubt. Failing as an illustrator. Distractions. No thought, skill or strain applied.
... yeah, I can relate. Certainly.
You've got crazy work ethic going on for you though. Even your choice to get more training even though you've already got your degree just proves you're dedicated to getting this done right. I honestly think you're going to be fine.
Self-doubt at this point is pretty commonplace. Not that this invalidates your feelings, but I can't imagine anyone having finished Bunny's class without feeling they got torn a new one somewhere along the way.
Just wait til animation gets a hold of ya. But don't worry and just do the work. They respect effort. Your feelings about your abilities will go up and down -- regardless of actual skill level -- but that's how it goes for the rest of our lives anyway.
So chin up. Chin up and remember Hokusai.