auriane

So the funniest thing EVER happened on friday!
My friend michelle and I went out dancing
(ew we ended up at sonar, but eh, this is baltimore, what else is there to do??)
and we played dress up before we went out.
Michelle wore these funny lace tights and a red old lady hat with mesh over it and a big feather,
and I wore a baby pink track suit complete with hot pink fishnets and big white leg warmers.
Mishy looked like Jackie O had smoked crack
and I looked (and I quote Norah on this) like a "70's porn star gone legit."
Anyhoo
So we dance. I never realized how much guys think booty shorts are an invite to grab ass. Needless to say one guy left the bar that night with my bright green gum mashed into his hairline. Fuck him, I asked him to stop grabbing my ass THREE times before he grabbed Michelle's instead and so GUM there it is. Haha.
Anyway thats not the funny part.
SO we're leaving,
and this girl in the parking lot yells at me :
YOU HO BAG!
and Michelle is like KICK HER ASS!!!
and Im like "Oh no, fuck that, let's go home."
but the bitch keeps YELLING really mean stuff.
So I walk over to her, with the sole intention of telling her to SHHHHH and stop being so damn mean. I really didn't want to fight or to hit anyone.
And I guess Im super scary,
cuz this crazy girl is like "DONT TOUCH ME!" and runs away from me! Like JETS!
And as she is running toward the road she yells out "SLUT!"
and SMACK!
she gets hit by a car!
She is fine, she got up and still wanted to talk shit.
I left while some other girl, who was simply tired of the dumb girl's mouht, promptly beat the shit out of her.
Anyway,
who knew an outfit could cause so much damage. Mission fucking ACCOMPLISHED.