auriane

Ok so my last lovely comment called me a slut face fornot updating- ok noted I shall post : )


hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
my house is a mess
and I went to a movie tonight. I ate REAL movie popcorn with that awful squishy butter. I went with Gabriel and we ate afterward, sitting at a crowded diner table amongst grilled cheese and burgers talking about hm, marriage actually. Well, being grownups, the idea of marriage, love and travelling. i told him I could commit to a child- not like MARRY A CHILD, but I could see myself having a child- or hopefully adopting one- but I cannot see myself commiting to an adult. If something worthy of dependance wanted to let me be their caretaker ( ie a baby) ok no prob, thats HOT. But if a man needed to depend on me, and asked that I depend on him in return, well that makes my tummy ache. I couldnt deal with being the "everything" to an adult. It seems silly and outdated.
I guess you can call me a cynic and go ahead and tattoo "Marriage is a Thing of the Past," on my ass.

I had the worst nightmares I have ever had in my life on Friday and Saturday.
Friday night, I dreamed that I went to a porno theatre downtown with my sister, and the feature was a tape of my father raping my old best friend from childhood. The little boy from the 6th sense was there, and my sister seemed like she knew it was all going on.
I felt disgusting, and then suddenly we were on these weird rockets flying over trailerparks, and I thought I was going to fall off of mine, so my dad jumped on. I felt disgusting sitting next to him after watchinghim molest my friend, but he saved me so i had to hold on to him. Very fucked up.
I woke up and thought it was all real. I panicked, it took me a good 20 minutes to stop crying and realize that my dad is like a TOTAL asshole and crazy, but that he is SO FAR from a child moelster, and that megan never even came over much so that couldnt have ever happened. I think recounting this dream makes people think I have some hidden thing in my subconscious, and it made me feel that way all day.
that is.. until the next dream.
I went out to lunch, I felt shaky still from the dream and I spoke briefly with Sean about it. He looked uncomfy, I think he thought I was remembering and not fabricating as well.
I ate a heavy sandwich and went back home, still tired and thinking of taking a nap before work.
I fell asleep and went RIGHT BACK INTO THE LAST DREAM,
but this time I was in a boat. While I knew the man in the boat was the same man from the last dream, he didnt look like my dad this time. This time he looked like an aged Donald Sutherland. I remember putting my hands in the blue water, and it was warm, then suddenly I knew I was in Florida. After that I saw megans body, or what had to beher body, all tiny and wrapped up in potato sacks and string. He pushed her into the water and when I started to cry pushed me under as well. I was being held down but I just watched her sink to the bottom, not really struggling against theold man holding me.
Then I saw my dog swim by right underme. It felt like I was in a heated pool cuz there were lines on the bottom of the ocean or lae or canal. (It was blue water, but it looked like the Seine in France.)
So I struggled free to go and catch my dog, so he wouldnt drown
and when I came up for air, like 8 dogs were jumping into the water. The man caught one and told me he had Sinatra,
but I knew Sinner was underneath me, so I kept looking. I finally swam to the bottom to get him, and realized I had captured a weiner dog instead. Then he appeared in my hands, but he melted as if from the inside out (like a Salvador Dali painting) and left me crying holding only his intentines.
I woke up and my eyes BURNED so bad I could barely open them. I grabbed under the covers to find my dog and pet him when I heard my mom talking really fast about my aunt and my grandmother.
I looked (but I was squinting my eyes hurt so bad) and in my hallway across from my bed my mom was standing with her back to me. She was shaking and chattering and talking so fast and i yelled MOM TURN AROUND I CANT HEAR YOU
and when she did she appeared much closer, like she ZOOMED at me, and was missing huge chunks of skin from her face. All of her teeth were black and rotted and she reached her hands up and pulled out huge clumps of hair.

I dove under my covers and hook for what must have been 15 minutes before peeked out and saw there was nothing there.

It was fucking terrifying.

Anyway so the dream,
at least parts of it made more sense when I read the news that day....the little florida girl was found dead, they appreheded some old (familiar faced) man at a trailer park for the crime. As far as I know they havent released how he killed her or where exactly they found the body, and I wonder if she was drowned or submerged in water when they discovered the body. There was a lot in the story that made the dreams replay in my mind.

And i also wonder about seeing my mom like that in the hallway.

I know I sound crazy when I tell people my apartment has ghosts, but it does, and if you're here enough you'll see them or hear them or have things happen that you cant explain--
I always have situations arise right in the entryway to my apartment. The exact same place where my mother was standing is where I hear footsteps so loud they sound like theyre INSIDE my ears, and strange muffled yells at the same decibel.

So hi everyone
I am auriane and you all think I am nutso now.
No biggie. You wouldnt be the first.
And if you need justification I would be happy to let you camp out here for a month until you hear the noises as well.
Just wait till ur on the elevator and it gets so cold that your nipples almost jump off your tits and your dog starts barking violently at the corner where NO ONE STANDS.
It gets even weirder when it makes you scream, and you dont know why, and the doors open and everything gets perfectly warm again and the lobby full of people cant figure out why you were screaming and neither can you.

Oh yeah, and some guy posted a missed connection about me on Craigslist..haha thats funny and flattering. Maybe hes a stalker,
or maybe hes hot.
Who knows. Im guessing ( with the baltimore tendency on people to be gross) that he's nasty.
Anyhoo. This slutface ; ) is sleepy and needs to do the dishesbefore beddybye
goodnight all!