It's Wednesday. Blurpblurp. TEN DAYS UNTIL MY SET GOES UP LOVELIES! Just thought Id mention that...anyways. Today is a sad day. Minus the hurricane, minus world hunger, which are both extremely terrible ); but this has to do with a relationship.
I was with someone for 1yr/8mths. At first, I didn't understand why I was with a huge jerk. Then he went away for boot camp(Marine guy) for three months and I was awfully sad and alone. Was the first time in my life I waited for someone. The first time I cried for someone. Even though he was sometimes pretty freaking rude to me and my friends. Those are things I don't normally do, but for some reason I chilled and was good. I like going out and mingling just like the next person, believe me. But oh how I loved having someone to snuggle with all the time. How I loved laughing with him and playing video games together. Just a cool person I thought. After so long, he became a great boyfriend. A little more understanding, a little nicer. And I loved him. I stayed around so long knowing we were so different....but lived such a similar life it seemed. I never thought anyone would get me. I don't think anyone will ever fully know or understand. Considering I still work on understanding everyday. I realized I couldn't be with this person. I waited for something to change, within myself. And all things led to ''do it easy do it right'' all though, Im an idiot and did it completely wrong. Which is hard to stop crying over because I never wanted to hurt him.
I'll be mad at myself for a while. And miss him a lot just as a friend. But there's always a chance of running into someone years later when your actually ready for it. When your ready to be apart of someone else's family. I wasn't and I hurt someone bad because of it. I never wanted my uncertainties to do this to anyone. But no one can win in this. Live and learn, summon up the words that need to be said before it hurts a little too much. It would of hurt either way. And now you go about and deal with the mess up. I will go about and deal with this mess. I am done, and so is he. My only regret is my uncertainties and my second guessing. And my waiting for something to change.
Sg, another semi long story -.- sorry no pics of anything neat. laptop is still on the fritz. Now I go and cry......excuse me
I was with someone for 1yr/8mths. At first, I didn't understand why I was with a huge jerk. Then he went away for boot camp(Marine guy) for three months and I was awfully sad and alone. Was the first time in my life I waited for someone. The first time I cried for someone. Even though he was sometimes pretty freaking rude to me and my friends. Those are things I don't normally do, but for some reason I chilled and was good. I like going out and mingling just like the next person, believe me. But oh how I loved having someone to snuggle with all the time. How I loved laughing with him and playing video games together. Just a cool person I thought. After so long, he became a great boyfriend. A little more understanding, a little nicer. And I loved him. I stayed around so long knowing we were so different....but lived such a similar life it seemed. I never thought anyone would get me. I don't think anyone will ever fully know or understand. Considering I still work on understanding everyday. I realized I couldn't be with this person. I waited for something to change, within myself. And all things led to ''do it easy do it right'' all though, Im an idiot and did it completely wrong. Which is hard to stop crying over because I never wanted to hurt him.
I'll be mad at myself for a while. And miss him a lot just as a friend. But there's always a chance of running into someone years later when your actually ready for it. When your ready to be apart of someone else's family. I wasn't and I hurt someone bad because of it. I never wanted my uncertainties to do this to anyone. But no one can win in this. Live and learn, summon up the words that need to be said before it hurts a little too much. It would of hurt either way. And now you go about and deal with the mess up. I will go about and deal with this mess. I am done, and so is he. My only regret is my uncertainties and my second guessing. And my waiting for something to change.
Sg, another semi long story -.- sorry no pics of anything neat. laptop is still on the fritz. Now I go and cry......excuse me
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
phantomshadow:
first, I wanted to welcome you to hopeless romantics, I had just read your blog and I totally understand what you were saying, but I really don't think anyone can really tell you what that change or feeling is, I think each person has to figure it out on their own, each person is different, I myself is still trying to find it myself, if you like you can holler at me, lol, peace, love, blessed be from phantomshadow!!
tourniquette:
I cant wait!!! and thank you for support my set!
I cant wait!!! and thank you for support my set!