xie is gray now and can't read this, which is the only reason i'd say it aloud, but oi... i wish i could just pummel her into being happy. sometimes i think that if i could only kidnap her away from our parents and give her some space to find a job up here and sort herself out a bit while still experiencing some freedom, things would start to work out and she'd become more hopeful again and eventually work up the will to resume college (this time in classes she would actually care about) and do well and feel good about herself and everything.
it makes me really mad to know that she's stuck back at home with our screwed-up unhappy family facing the prospect of working at wal-mart again (a thing she swore she wouldn't do after the terrible depressiveness of working there once before).
it's a stupid situation, and she's gotten mad at me before for wanting to "save" everybody when it isn't my place. that was maybe a year ago, when she was working at wal-mart the first time (:edit: no - i think it was two years ago when she was crashing and burning, her first year in college). so i backed off in a big way, cause she's right, but it doesn't exactly change how i feel. sometimes i think if she was willing to risk more, she could come out closer to where she needs to be. sometimes i think she sees and sets boundaries for herself that i find completely irrelevant to everything and can't understand. she's far more dutiful to the family than i'd expect from someone in her position, though i suppose being flat broke engenders that kind of thing. i don't think she realizes just how ready and willing i'd be to bail her out if she'd only take a chance... it's probably a good thing for both of us that she doesn't seem to realize it.
it seems like all my life i've been the kind of person who can close my eyes and walk out on cliff ledges and yet somehow always find solid ground beneath my feet. it's the most frustrating thing ever to see somebody hanging in limbo and seeming unwilling to move in any direction at all. i think i'm an impatient sort, and it doesn't help that i miss her like crazy and the site of her stupid limbo is far away from me.
it makes me really mad to know that she's stuck back at home with our screwed-up unhappy family facing the prospect of working at wal-mart again (a thing she swore she wouldn't do after the terrible depressiveness of working there once before).
it's a stupid situation, and she's gotten mad at me before for wanting to "save" everybody when it isn't my place. that was maybe a year ago, when she was working at wal-mart the first time (:edit: no - i think it was two years ago when she was crashing and burning, her first year in college). so i backed off in a big way, cause she's right, but it doesn't exactly change how i feel. sometimes i think if she was willing to risk more, she could come out closer to where she needs to be. sometimes i think she sees and sets boundaries for herself that i find completely irrelevant to everything and can't understand. she's far more dutiful to the family than i'd expect from someone in her position, though i suppose being flat broke engenders that kind of thing. i don't think she realizes just how ready and willing i'd be to bail her out if she'd only take a chance... it's probably a good thing for both of us that she doesn't seem to realize it.
it seems like all my life i've been the kind of person who can close my eyes and walk out on cliff ledges and yet somehow always find solid ground beneath my feet. it's the most frustrating thing ever to see somebody hanging in limbo and seeming unwilling to move in any direction at all. i think i'm an impatient sort, and it doesn't help that i miss her like crazy and the site of her stupid limbo is far away from me.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
mackenzie_k:
I am sorry about your sister I wish I could help, but I will be thinking about you both. I can understand the sadness of which you speak, I was there once and I finally found the will to move out, I only wish that your sister will too
akl:
I've been there too for a lot of friends... just try to be available, there's nothing more you can do if they don't want your help. I wish you (and her) luck, I've been on both sides.