aubli

yay for the zen photoshopping, it cheers us when we're blue, or at least absorbs us so completely that we can't manage to be sad or tired or stressed. only problem is breaking away to collapse once one finally reaches a state in which we are capable of productive collapsing. which is now, but must post the new pics before going to bed.

look - i'm an elf! i don't do stuff like this normally - really.



speaking of which, i just realized that the term "lame" is technically un-pc. amazing how words change their meanings over time...

speaking of un-pc, the episode of south park with the ninja weapons is the coolest ever.

i'm thinking of changing my user pic - probably to one of these two. any thoughts?




my coworkers are cool. training is actually fun with them about, and the instructor's cool too. when one of the guys started laughing because his drawing of threads trying to access objects looked like one of those high school drawing of sperm fertilizing the human egg, he laughed and gave the arrow representing the thead a squiggly tail, which just made us all crack up. it was the end of the day; we were a bit punchy. and there's more training tomorrow and the next day and the next all the way up till friday. but it's all good. and i hear floating comments that make me feel better even though my supervisor doesn't seem to have any confidence in me; apparently it's not me, necessarily. which is always good to know.

i have a light show overdue for class that i need to find a way to make up. and i might get to go to a goth night tomorrow. and i'm exhausted... g'night!

i miss people. virtual hugs, i'm feeling gushy like a jellyfish and just want to be someplace warm with friends.

i'm sad because i only show up in my residential college's yearbook once, and i'm dressed up like a goat with full face-paint, so i don't even look pretty. it's my own fault, because everybody here is so cool but i don't participate in a lot of social stuff, and i'm camera-shy of posed pictures anyway, but it still makes me sad. i wish i was better at being with people and such, i think sometimes i'm a bit of a social non-entity. goth dancing will be a welcome reassertion of my existance as a person who does fun things. it's been far too sick and stressed and busy for a long time now.

thing that cheered me up, besides becoming an elf:

some people sent out a long email listing all the people in our residential college that they could think of off the top of their heads, along with what famous actor or actress they would cast to play them. and i was in the list, they remembered me off the top of their head! and the person they cast as me was carrie ann moss, who played in some cool stories even if she strikes me as a bit angular and something else i can't quite place. she looks moderately hot (like strong bad's girl) in vinyl, and the matrix was cool at first, and she did acrobatic-y things in some of it, and that's good enough for me.
fatespawn, on the other hand, is to be played by a not-dead river phoenix.

it's funny, because sometimes i think that i do well making friends and feeling like i belong online, but fatespawn does a much better job of it in real life. i do wonder if they remembered to cast somebody to play me because they remembered him, and then i came to mind by association. dunno.

it's like that special mirror, or glass, or whateversuch in one of the lion, the witch and the wardrobe books... even if one doesn't base their life upon it or anysuch, you still can't help wanting to know what other people really think of you, if they think of you at all. i've always been of the opinion that most any opinion is more interesting (and more flattering) than indifference. which was a great boon to me in high school, when a couple of the popular kids creeped the hell out of me by becoming obsessed. i was a very asexual being at that point in time - didn't grow up much at all till my first year of college - and even when those guys said nice things about me the very fact that they would be interested in me unnerved me completely. but it was far more exciting than none of them knowing i existed, too, so i continued observing my crazy peers and figured it all as a grand adventure. which perhaps goes to show that i've never understood social stuff ever.

but yes, am utterly rambling. must go to bed and sleep to learn more programming and then, ages and ages from now, someday tomorrow night i shall dance.

so tired.

fatespawn is still fantastically wonderful, and i still miss xie. but she posted! i'll have to look at that tomorrow when i am awake and not at work looking at programming sperm.

aiyee. such a long entry, and not organized at all. dammit, i need to stop writing and go to bed now.