aubli

april begins this week. i realized this today. shock and horror - i hate the changing of the months.

i think i've been derailed again recently - am flighty again, i need to have time to write stuff out and trace my way through it but i don't quite know what it is and i don't have the time to relax and let it surface so i end up wasting time with hasty updates and guilty screwing around in photoshop.

i miss in grade school, the eager anticipation of the end of the month. at school we had these enormous outsized construction paper calendars that took up nearly the entire bulletin board and as each day passed we'd stick a fun-shaped post-it type thing on it to mark its passing. snowmen for winter months, heart-shapes for february, stars for whatever. back then i always knew what day it was, and new months were fun cause you'd walk into the classroom and the bulletin board would have a completely new color scheme and new shapes and everything. now i'm just awash in colorless dates and deadlines. ever since i left grade school i've felt, in the back of my mind, that i need to set myself up with a great big construction paper calendar with sticky shapes to mark each day. maybe when i move into my new more permanent space i'll do that. is like having a to-do list that you can check things off of... is not very satisfying just to glance at a calendar of dates that you never touch except to add more stuff to do.

random rememberance of the past while: conversation with the parents in which they told us how our grandfather restricted our grandmother to using three squares of toilet paper per bathroom visit in order to conserve resources. they told us this because, though they would never restrict us in such a way, they nevertheless believed we were wasteful of toilet paper and should keep this example in mind. and, in fact, our grandmother had been able to get along with three squares of toilet paper - most people could probably get away with three squares... so we could use a little extra for comfort's sake but much more than was just extravagent.

am annoyed with myself for having this pop in my mind on several occasions lately, as it is completely irrelevant to anything. but i figure it's surreal enough that writing it down so i don't feel the need to remember that it actually happened ought to be sufficient.

just had two italian ices. mmmmm. one lemon, one cherry. i think i've noticed this before - lemon is quite hard and solid and chippable, while cherry is softer and more easily sculptable.

i wonder if the people who write and do photo stuff for the onion have to hold other jobs to support themselves... i guess they probably do. o well.

am gonna go work out now. must come back and work on philosophy paper about the nature of folk psychology. should be interesting.

i don't want it to be almost april - april is the month of the last day of school! and that's when everything is due, and all the work goes crazy, everything comes together right on top of you. and then the university pops me out into the real world - phtooey - and i get to dust myself off and look around and pick up my pickaxe and get to work. when i say my little idealistic things about working for darden, my coworkers laughingly make dark hints about how i'll become a slave to the wage soon enough and be forever bringing work home and never having time for my own projects. i think they're joking, but they can't have any idea just how anxious they're making me....

on the upside, i think over the summer i may be able to get one of the school's digital cameras to have and to hold for my very own until the fall when the other students come back and are wanting it again. that'd be nice. it's amazing how much more one gets done when the tools are right at hand.

the image of my skinny old grandmother sitting on the pot and looking glumly at her three squares of paper, neatly folded, never fails to make me laugh in that horrified kind of way. what the hell? the poor old lady's dead now, and that's the most vivid image i have of her. it's just plain wrong.

ah, and just for you guys, since she doesn't know about this journal... was at a banquet tonight and sat at the same table as the girl who was so outraged that i 'copied' her hairdye style. she's recently rebrightened hers, and it's purple, and she gets to keep her hair purple while i'll be brown-haired again by friday. i'm just too jealous for words. she's in the ed school, gonna be a teacher when she grows up, and i wonder if she'll be able to have purple hair then. if she grows up to be a purple haired teacher by necessity she'd have to become a cool person, so perhaps her ultimate redemption lies that way. for my part, when i make it out of darden and off to grad school you'd better believe that i will have hair of awesomeness. starting with purple, because purple is the most awesome color of all regardless of whether it inspires people to take you seriously or not.

my purple hair makes me happy... now if i want to feel like i'm looking special i'll actually have to put effort into it and wear extra-nice clothes or put on eyeshadow or something. so much work! jeez.

but really, someday i like to think i'll go back.

o - put up new pics, btw.