atti

Motivation. Its been in short supply as of late, and I find myself on this late Monday night evaluating my own level of drive. So much has been going on in the last few months to deter me from making any sort of progress in my life... kind of like a test of sorts. I never expected to leave the states and come to Korea to have all of my strength sucked out of me like a vacuum and be left with this hallow shell.

I was in the shower earlier doing some thinking (no not that kind) and I was trying to think about what I need to do to get past this funk. Weeks ago I had the plan of going back to school and becoming an officer with the hopes of changing my present outlook on the Army. I wanted to take myself out of a very limited field and put myself in a more "high speed" position. Of course there are steps to any venture and as soon as it got a little bit tough, I pulled back. I got defensive and felt that shell envelope me as if it were there to coddle me. I don't need to be coddled. I am almost 26 after all and if memory serves most people grow up in the late teens. I think that I got it in my head that being hurt physically means mentally as well. Its not true, but just the same my mind has persuaded me otherwise.

So the last two months or so I have been without any kind of workout or physical activity because of my back surgery. I was doing some research about nutrition plans and working out for beginners because well I am a novice when it comes to all that. I don't exactly spend my free time in the gym getting my "swell" on as others call it. I will say that I have tried in previous years, but I remember feeling so uncomfortable; so foreign compared to the built, Spartan-like people around me. It was like walking on to the set of "300." It turned me off to the whole thing. People starring and quietly judging me resonated in my mind. I had to escape and retreat... once again. Familiar theme, eh?

So once again I stand before an ocean of possible changes... one that I want to work on is my body. I'm not fat by any means but I definitely have a nice kangaroo pouch going for me. Just incase I have an offspring, I can put the little guy or girl in there for easy transportation. I'm not "ripped" either. Some of you know how twiggy I am. Don't get me wrong.. I don't want to be like body builder huge or anything. I want to lose the gut, gain a six pack or some variation of a pack and have some energy. I don't think its too much to ask at all. The only problem I am running into amidst the vast sea of information on the internet is that everyone has a different opinion. These "experts" are all different and giving advice about what to do. Its a little overwhelming. Where to start;where to begin? I suppose it begins at motivation.


PS. You think I would leave a long-winded blog to end without some awesome music to listen to and reflect upon?



And this:




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