atti

Well its lunchtime Tuesday and I'm in Seoul in between appointments right now. I met with my surgeon a couple of hours ago so he could look at my crater and he says it is healing nicely but that it is red. This guy is a Major and has been to bat for me a couple of times in the past couple of weeks with my chain of command;however, today was not so the case. He had asked me if my level of activity had gone down at all and I said that it had not at all. Didn't even phase him. He had a conversation with my Captain about the fact that I need to be on light duty so I don't aggravate my injury and look what happened. Yesterday I was bleeding twice out of my wound and I had to go to the bathroom and clean myself up both times. I was doing normal work yesterday (lifting, bending, etc) because my chain of command has failed to give me guidance on what I need to do. Also... they have not told me anything about my psych evaluation. Fuck these people.

Yesterday at work when we were finished with everything and the guys were sitting or standing around bullshitting I was off by myself a considerable distance on my phone texting and what not because I do not want to associate myself with this company anymore than I have to. A couple of people would come over to see if everything is alright. What am I supposed to say to that? I don't want everyone knowing my business because right now far too many people do know about it. I usually say I'm okay so they will leave me alone.

My first sgt will ask me how my back is doing and say "uh huh" halfway through my answer because he honestly doesn't care. Pisses me the fuck off is what it does. I've come to the realization that my Captain is a heartless bastard that is only concerned with getting out of Korea than he is about his men and women under his command. I am serious when I say that one way or the other I will get out of this country and out of the Army. I will do what it takes to make it happen. I've promised that to myself over and over again.

There's so much about the intricacies of how the military works and how its so broken that its a wonder that we are the super power in the world right now. I completely understand why there are record number of suicides in the service because they aren't receiving the help that they need at all.

My next appointment is with the psychiatrist and that will be interesting. Every run-in I have had with military shrinks has not gone so well because its so impersonal. Its a "get in and get out" mentality that the rest of the military shares and its fuckin awful. I may still tell them that I am willing to submit to a 48 observation. I want to ask and see what that all entails before I do anything. At this point I have nothing to lose.