Ugh 1am Monday morning and I'm awake. Fuck me.
Well I ended up working the 24 hour duty shift on Friday and I about freaked out at the beginning of it. Slowly but surely my family is starting to lose support in me as the days roll on and I have no idea why. Everyone is pushing their own slightly different agenda on me and its extremely frustrating.
After five days I still have not received any word from my chain of command about my medical status or my psych evaluation that they told me they were going to do. I'm starting to think that they either forgot or don't really give a damn. This will definitely result in me taking some larger steps.. steps with consequences. I had scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist on tuesday of this week before everything had gone down. I am about 80 percent sure that I am going to talk to this person about self-admitting myself at least for 48 hour observation. Everywhere I go I am scanning to see all the different ways I could hurt myself... some more painful than others. A flight of stairs, a steep hill at night where I cannot see the bottom, etc.
Speaking of the hill... I was out there earlier this evening looking out over the entire base and I was contemplating just leaping and see what would happen. No one would be able to see what had happened til morning. It was a tempting thought to say the least.
In other news apparently everyone's common ground regarding me is that I need to be medicated which in the past did nothing for me. I hate using pills as a crutch. Am I the only one with this stance? Medication can severely fuck you up. I've known a lot of friends that had some serious breakdowns while taking the stuff that was supposed to help them. It scares the fuck out of me.
I'm also considering going to IG (Inspector General) to report my units lack of response to my mental health situation. Bring down the noise on these mother fuckers for their lack of action or rather their tardiness in doing anything. I don't think I am being too hasty whatsoever. I'm going to see what happens tomorrow at work and then go from there.
I would like to thank everyone for the support they have given me through this last week. It means a lot to know that there is a support system on this site that I can turn to when I need it.
If anyone wishes to contact me off site they can do so by doing the following:
email: rhofactor@gmail.com
skype: rhofactor
cell: I do have a cell here in korea but you won't be able to call or text me without accumulating some horrendous charges so I do have an American number on my skype account that if you message me I will give out.
Now to fall asleep or at least try to and see what happens sitting around at work... oh wait they make me do work despite my surgery.
Jesus.
Also.. I finally watched Good Will Hunting for the first time in my life and I love it so much. What a great movie written by two of the most unlikely people. I like Matt Damon but Ben Afleck... not so much.
I feel like I can relate to Will in this scene linked below. Working as a glorified mechanic for the Army and I scored 93rd percentile on my aptitude tests for the Army.. glad my intellect is going to good use.
Fuck me.
Well I ended up working the 24 hour duty shift on Friday and I about freaked out at the beginning of it. Slowly but surely my family is starting to lose support in me as the days roll on and I have no idea why. Everyone is pushing their own slightly different agenda on me and its extremely frustrating.
After five days I still have not received any word from my chain of command about my medical status or my psych evaluation that they told me they were going to do. I'm starting to think that they either forgot or don't really give a damn. This will definitely result in me taking some larger steps.. steps with consequences. I had scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist on tuesday of this week before everything had gone down. I am about 80 percent sure that I am going to talk to this person about self-admitting myself at least for 48 hour observation. Everywhere I go I am scanning to see all the different ways I could hurt myself... some more painful than others. A flight of stairs, a steep hill at night where I cannot see the bottom, etc.
Speaking of the hill... I was out there earlier this evening looking out over the entire base and I was contemplating just leaping and see what would happen. No one would be able to see what had happened til morning. It was a tempting thought to say the least.
In other news apparently everyone's common ground regarding me is that I need to be medicated which in the past did nothing for me. I hate using pills as a crutch. Am I the only one with this stance? Medication can severely fuck you up. I've known a lot of friends that had some serious breakdowns while taking the stuff that was supposed to help them. It scares the fuck out of me.
I'm also considering going to IG (Inspector General) to report my units lack of response to my mental health situation. Bring down the noise on these mother fuckers for their lack of action or rather their tardiness in doing anything. I don't think I am being too hasty whatsoever. I'm going to see what happens tomorrow at work and then go from there.
I would like to thank everyone for the support they have given me through this last week. It means a lot to know that there is a support system on this site that I can turn to when I need it.
If anyone wishes to contact me off site they can do so by doing the following:
email: rhofactor@gmail.com
skype: rhofactor
cell: I do have a cell here in korea but you won't be able to call or text me without accumulating some horrendous charges so I do have an American number on my skype account that if you message me I will give out.
Now to fall asleep or at least try to and see what happens sitting around at work... oh wait they make me do work despite my surgery.
Jesus.
Also.. I finally watched Good Will Hunting for the first time in my life and I love it so much. What a great movie written by two of the most unlikely people. I like Matt Damon but Ben Afleck... not so much.
I feel like I can relate to Will in this scene linked below. Working as a glorified mechanic for the Army and I scored 93rd percentile on my aptitude tests for the Army.. glad my intellect is going to good use.
Fuck me.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
_pie_:
You aren't alone- and are in my thoughts. Hope you get the help and support you are looking for :-*
bashier:
These people are despicable; I can not even describe the hate that I have for these lousy Human beings...do they not feel or care?! If only I could make them experience even an ounce of what you have been going through. My thoughts are with you, and karma is with them...