Alright, so after a week of nothing but bullshit blog entries, I am here to bring you what some of you have asked for... something inspiring (insert confused face here).
I guess I'll start by bringing you all up to speed on the wonderful world of Atti:
I am currently on the brink of 32 days.. meaning Tuesday September 29th, 2009 will be the 32 day mark. I remember what I thought seemed like last week, when I couldn't wait for my long wait to dip below 75... and here I am just a little over a month away from embarking on the greatest adventure of my life. Well, at least I'm hoping so. My life has been interesting enough as is for the last 24 1/2 years.
I've found that for the last week, I'll wake up in the morning, trod into the bathroom, splashing some cold water on my face before looking up in the mirror. There I see my tired, bearded face looking back at me... and with eyes that ask the same question every morning, "Are you ready, Marcus?" I can offer nothing but a sigh and a simple nod before going on with another day. Am I ready.... I think I've heard it at least a million times outside my own head and I offer the same fake smile and reassurance, "Of course, I am." But I think its a lie. I'm not ready and I think that even if I did a million crunches a day and ran six miles until the day I left for South Carolina, I don't think even then I'd be truly ready... not unless John McClaine secretly inhabits my body, which would be kick ass. But that's beside the point. The big point is... I'm going through the motions, day in and day out in the hopes that when November 1st comes and I show up with wide eyes, a raging heart beat and a mind full of questions that I can survive through this and come out on the other end a better man.
I've voiced this "better man" theory to others around me and I get the "there's nothing wrong with you" reply. Well no offense to my friends because I love you dearly, but frankly there has been something wrong with me. There's been something wrong with me for the last three years. That's why I've been stumbling from place to place, like a bug to a light source, hoping that this next place, apartment, job or relationship will be it.
Sadly to say, until this moment I haven't felt like I have found my niche. Another question I've had to answer is, "Why would you want to join the Army?" And to that I say that a large part of it is because its a clean slate... literally. I can go into this thing smelling like shit and come out the other side smelling of roses. I tell a lot of people that "I need to do this." I know that I need the self-confidence, the sense of purpose, the drive, the ambition, etc. I do need it because I'm tired of wandering through life. I don't want to do it any longer and why not help myself by doing this and also serve my country at the same time.
When I go to bed at night, I walk into the same bathroom and look up, seeing the same face and am asked a different question, "Do you think you can pull off the shaved head look?" and I just smile and go to sleep. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm going to miss my hair a lot in a month.
The last three months of my account on here were comped to me by a good friend of mine when I was low on money. I'm not sure when that time is going to run out but it will be any day now. I'm not entirely sure if I'm going to renew it since I'll be gone soon and don't want to waste the money on something that I can't fully enjoy. Hopefully I don't wake up tomorrow to find myself locked out of my own account. I guess we'll see what tomorrow brings.
Good night.
I guess I'll start by bringing you all up to speed on the wonderful world of Atti:
I am currently on the brink of 32 days.. meaning Tuesday September 29th, 2009 will be the 32 day mark. I remember what I thought seemed like last week, when I couldn't wait for my long wait to dip below 75... and here I am just a little over a month away from embarking on the greatest adventure of my life. Well, at least I'm hoping so. My life has been interesting enough as is for the last 24 1/2 years.
I've found that for the last week, I'll wake up in the morning, trod into the bathroom, splashing some cold water on my face before looking up in the mirror. There I see my tired, bearded face looking back at me... and with eyes that ask the same question every morning, "Are you ready, Marcus?" I can offer nothing but a sigh and a simple nod before going on with another day. Am I ready.... I think I've heard it at least a million times outside my own head and I offer the same fake smile and reassurance, "Of course, I am." But I think its a lie. I'm not ready and I think that even if I did a million crunches a day and ran six miles until the day I left for South Carolina, I don't think even then I'd be truly ready... not unless John McClaine secretly inhabits my body, which would be kick ass. But that's beside the point. The big point is... I'm going through the motions, day in and day out in the hopes that when November 1st comes and I show up with wide eyes, a raging heart beat and a mind full of questions that I can survive through this and come out on the other end a better man.
I've voiced this "better man" theory to others around me and I get the "there's nothing wrong with you" reply. Well no offense to my friends because I love you dearly, but frankly there has been something wrong with me. There's been something wrong with me for the last three years. That's why I've been stumbling from place to place, like a bug to a light source, hoping that this next place, apartment, job or relationship will be it.
Sadly to say, until this moment I haven't felt like I have found my niche. Another question I've had to answer is, "Why would you want to join the Army?" And to that I say that a large part of it is because its a clean slate... literally. I can go into this thing smelling like shit and come out the other side smelling of roses. I tell a lot of people that "I need to do this." I know that I need the self-confidence, the sense of purpose, the drive, the ambition, etc. I do need it because I'm tired of wandering through life. I don't want to do it any longer and why not help myself by doing this and also serve my country at the same time.
When I go to bed at night, I walk into the same bathroom and look up, seeing the same face and am asked a different question, "Do you think you can pull off the shaved head look?" and I just smile and go to sleep. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm going to miss my hair a lot in a month.
The last three months of my account on here were comped to me by a good friend of mine when I was low on money. I'm not sure when that time is going to run out but it will be any day now. I'm not entirely sure if I'm going to renew it since I'll be gone soon and don't want to waste the money on something that I can't fully enjoy. Hopefully I don't wake up tomorrow to find myself locked out of my own account. I guess we'll see what tomorrow brings.
Good night.
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And don't worry, you'll look great with no hair. lol