atti

Monday morning, 3am. Literally the beginning of a new week. I always wonder what my weeks will be like on sunday night/ monday morning when I'm sitting here alone. There are always a series of expectations or goals you set for yourself. "I plan to go work out (so many times) this week. I need to get my hair cut. Or write that paper." We all do it... subconsciously or not. This week, just like many of the past weeks, I have no goals set for myself. I figure if I don't set any then I won't feel like I failed as much at the end of the week. It may be a dreary way to look at it, but I'm find myself slowly getting back to a motivated state. I am writing my story (the one I posted last week). That is keeping me somewhat busy.

It's funny. This story is a social commentary on dating in the 21st century. To me its just a series of observations I've made about not only my own romantic successes and/or failures but also of just those around me and putting into a narrative form. I catch myself taking mental notes on things I notice when I'm at the store, or taking a walk in a mall. The other night at the bar I was even taking mental notes of what I was seeing. Just basic generalizations of dating behavior or even guys trying lay their smoothest games on the line hoping for that chance to buy a drink, jot down a number or even under the "best" circumstances, take a cab ride home for two instead of one.

I'm come to the point of realizing that I indeed did make a mistake a year ago. It's funny I learned in a classical literature course about the wheel of Fate. And how the wheel spins and can take someone from the top to the bottom in an instant. That's how I feel at the moment. A year ago I was still planning on being a high school English teacher, I was still employed and I wasn't fearing being poor and without a home. Yet here I am in the infancy of 2008, with quite the opposite position of where I was. I'm a dropout... that alone is hard to say for me. I was a 3.5 student a year ago, now I'm a 0. It almost makes me chuckle at the thought, but sometimes thats just life. I'm unemployed with a bank account that is stable right now but for how long. It's a life-preserver with the air hole leaking out precious oxygen. A matter of time before that safety net is taken away.

Now its really just a day to day thing. I keep thinking of one of my favorite movie quotes from Sleepless in Seattle.

"Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while."

While the context of what Tom Hanks is saying in the movie isn't the same. I feel that I can relate to what he is trying to get across by trying to let go of the past in the hopes of taking full advantage of the future. That's something I hope gets jogged into my head. Kind of like when Robin Williams gets hit with the baseball in Hook and then magically he can remember everything and fly. Yeah.. I want that to happen... not the pain of a baseball to the head but more so the instant re-vitalization of my life.

I was out at a bookstore the other day and caught two guys walking around, looking at the magazines. One of them was commenting on how ugly guys seem to get beautiful girls which in turn leaves nothing for the "good-looking guys." I thought about it for a second I was reading a book near by. I thought about all the people I knew and it seemed that it was more than just a physical connection, more so a deep connection. There are many reasons for people to come together, fall in love and/or spend the rest of their lives together. Not sure why I brought that up but I'm kind of working something like that into my story. Because honestly it is kind of a humorous phenomenon. It's almost contradictory to who current society plays it up to be. Today its about the GLAM, the fashion, the tummy tucks and boob jobs to improve an image so that John or Jane Doe can feel that the fit better in society. It's the physical bettering of oneself to come off as marketable, even in the employment world. Not really the age of enlightenment is it?

Well I'm probably rambling now, I just haven't written a blog for a few days so I thought I'd write a little something up for those of you that do care to read what I have to say. I seriously wish I had a column in a paper. I used to a while ago, that lasted all the six months before it was snatched away from me. Anywho, hope this fresh week starts out well for all you kids out there.