Yes, nominations are coming in by the thousands! It's almost time for the 1st Annual Thing That Should Not Be Award, in recognition of people, things, or concepts that should have been aborted before they were ever brought into this world. Remember, the winner receives the beautiful Thingy trophy, an all-expenses-paid trip to the exotic Marianas Trench, and a souvenir anvil necklace! Note: in order to avoid having to reschedule the awards ceremony, which is booked for the Schenectady Hilton on June 1, 2005, nominations will be now be closed off at the end of business on May 31, 2005, rather than 2036.

Recent additions to the nominee list:

American Idol
People who watch American Idol
People who watch reality TV in general
People who appear on reality TV in general
Pauly Shore
The Polyphonic Spree
The entire Bush family
Enron
Wal-Mart
Halliburton
Every other corporation on the face of the earth (except SG, Inc., of course)
The Monster Mash (oh, how I hate that fucking song! It's like glowing hot spikes in my eyeballs! Die, person who wrote the Monster Mash! Die!!!)
Ring around the collar
Collars (note: dog collars are excluded from this nomination when they are being used to restrain dogs who might attack my genitals)
Tom Delay
Bill Frist
Rick Santorum
Jesse Helms
Strom Thurmond's rotting carcass
Just about every other Republican
Ann Coulter
The fetid bear trap that Ann Coulter calls a mouth
The Polyphonic Spree
Ass pimples
Boy Howdy (the pop-country group)
Whoever came up with the name Boy Howdy
Friday the 13th III
Perioscaling
Wisdom teeth
Neoconservatives

Keep 'em coming, folks! Just a few days left till nominations close!

URGENT STATUS ALERT: I do, in fact, still love them hoes. The Department of Hoeland Security is currently working on a simple, easy-to-understand color coded system to tell you all how much I love them hoes on a daily basis. More on that, and other aspects of this story, later as developments continue to unfold.

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Well, the first season of Attack_Macaque has been a huge ratings success, and we've already been told that we will be picked up for another season. We consistently beat the other shows in our time slot, "Touched by a Priest," "My Dinner With Andre: The Series," and "Law and Order: Traffic Violations." And despite our numerous run-ins with the FCC, we continue to push the envelope and test the boundaries of basic human decency. We promise to bring you more of the same in our new season. Until then, we bring you...three months of reruns!

Now, without further ado, here's a classic Attack_Macaque Post from the Past:

SATURDAY DECEMBER 06 1941 11:58 PM

Well, we finally made it to Hawaii - man, what a trip! This is going to be an awesome vacation, though. It's going to be great to get out on the beach tomorrow and enjoy the peace and quiet. I feel kind of guilty doing so with all the warfare going on around the world these days, but at the same time I'm glad to be so far away from all that. Yes, there's no safer place to be than the sandy shores of Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941! I'll bet all my friends are going to be jealous when I get back and tell them what a great time I had, while they were back in the states dodging bird poo, acorns, and other projectiles falling from the sky. Won't have to worry about that here!