DAMN.... the past week has really kicked me in the BUTT!!! 😕
But... I’m getting there, I’m coming out of it!!! ☺️
I got to be honest.... I’m not the usual type to talk about feeling low as generally it’s very rare for me to struggle much with my mental health.
Which I do feel extremely lucky for that.. generally I’m a pretty upbeat and positive thinking person.
The only times I ever have really struggled, I can easily say we’re two points in my life, 1 was coming out of a pretty mentally and physically abusive relationship.... and the other time being family troubles.
And I’ve got to be honest... coming out if that horrendous relationship and it being the first ever relationship I ever had, meaning I was pretty young dealing with all that.... believe it or not... I believe was what made me pretty strong and level headed with how I dealt with everything for the rest of my life.
Forever reminding myself that NO ONE or NOTHING is EVER worth putting myself in the deep depression and low that I did coming away from that certain individual. (Honestly I had never felt anything like it... and NEVER wanted to again)
And trust me I have never come close to that feeling.... not even when I had my next biggest and toughest moments with my family troubles. I still never allowed myself to sink into that feeling again.
THANKFULLY...
ANYWAYS... enough of that... I just basically wanted to talk about the fact that by my standards... I’ve had a rough week.... a few highs and lows... which I think a lot of people are experiencing during quarantine.... it’s a weird time for us all.
so I just wanted to share my thoughts with you all ☺️
It’s more about feeling motivated for me.... like one minute I’m super motivated all these grand plans of all the things I want to do!
I’ll start off well and do it all and absolutely smash it and then next minute.... I can’t even face the simplest of tasks..
Like the other week... I learned to use a fancy camera, made 3 music videos, did a load of shoots for myself and my Onlyfans and began to learn crochet... and then this week.. for entirely nooooo reason at all... I just struggle to even want to talk to anyone or do anything! I just want to hide and sleep.... UGH.... IT’S JUST ANNOYING TO BE HONEST!! 😂😅
I guess this is the quarantine low I’ve seen everyone talking about... I do feel better today... and I guess the best way for me to personally deal with it... is to just not be to hard on myself ☺️ and accept how I’m feeling.
Instead of dwelling on the things I didn’t achieve that day... focus on the things you DID achieve that day... EVEN for the smallest of tasks like getting up and making lunch!
I think some of it is also feeling as though there’s a lack of purpose... like when I had to go to work I HAVE to... or I’ll have someone else to answer to....
I can honestly say it’s been brilliant to have SuicideGirls and Onlyfans to put my focus on, because honestly... I think without this I really would have struggled to have any drive or purpose...
1 other thing I think can unintentionally bring people down at the moment is there being this big focus on YOU HAVING TO USE THIS TIME EFFECTIVELY!
Which yes that’s great if you can... BUT remember we are all different, we all cope differently and if you haven’t learnt a new skill the past week/month or whatever, it really doesn’t matter!
YOU DO YOU!! ☺️
Anyways.... I’ve been babbling on for long enough now. But I hope this little cent of my thoughts somehow helps someone or comforts some of you in knowing you’re not on your own with how you’re feeling. 💕
Love to you all! Stay safe ✌️
look after yourselves ☺️
Thanks for reading
@rambo @missy @eirenne @sean
