asteri

I'm having the most wonderful time of my life. Everything is going according the lifes plan. Ha.. Yea, right.. I wish. Seriously, I swear my life is going down the drain. Or.. feels like it. But i'm not gonna be a baby about it. I'm a grown woman and I need to set examples for my boys.

My step father who raised me since I was 18 months ago, Died previously, on Sunday and it's really sucking right now. I'm dying to work to make decent money but ofc, I can't because I don't have a daycare for boo ( my 3 yr old.) Good thing for Evin (8) is attending elementery. I'm just sick and tired of living my life on a disability check once a month thats not even enough to cover all three of us. Whole world is fucking up and people losing jobs. It's really crazy and I just have so much shit on my chest right now that I don't even know how to get it out. Yeah, I have a tendacy of bottling up till it's gets so full, I actually explode. I only wish my best friend still lives close by so I could always go see her when I'm in a hole. I can't even tell my mom shit because she always say shit that I hate to hear. She's more of a "face it, its reality honey" not even, " I know it's hard and this is reality...... Keep your head up, it's not the end of the world." something like that. I don't know.. I'm just really tired in my body and mind, trying to take care of my boys while I have my mother and not to mention... My grandmother! yes.. we all live in this double wide trailor. I'm also tired of people including my brother, putting me down. Also my 2nd boy's father, Marc Wiseman.. He quote " Youre deaf, and dumb. You can't mind battle me." Even at this rough time of my father's death, my brother got nasty to me and started saying, "you don't have a life, get a job, take care of your boys or they won't forgive you." I mean, yea that shit hurts and I do let it get to me that easy. I'm just passive and I had a horrible... No, let me rephrase that, I had a ROUGH childhood and I have been teased, picked on by few kids and abused by my brother. I know this for sure... I'm not gonna be his doormatt and let him walk all over me, anymore. BUT, it hurts I just can't stand this shit. I find this easy to get it all out by typing and I guess it helps alittle.. Not as much as my best friend, Soni!! I love her so much! she's everything to me and she has been there since the day I first met her back in freshmen. well, I guess I better hop off and get to bed.. My dad's memorial service is tomorrow morning and gotta get up. I wish I could post some more pictures on here but I don't have any on this computer.. My ex's computer is filled with viruses now and he is not living here anymore so I gotta wait till Sunday for him to come up and clean it out. I'm using my grandmother's right now so I can't really be downloading anything or uploading any pictures or she'll Raise n Hell lol but I love her to death. she's the only one sees whats really going on. Also another bad news too, I'm not sure how much longer my ex's computer is gonna be here beacuse once he's moving back to his mother's house in tampa, he's taking all of his stuff Thanks for listening and love you guys..