asphyxiia

well kiddies..havent written in awhile. soo.... update....


a while back i met this girl story's good already lol.. ok online acutally... shes really nice. Shall we call her D. she lives in Chicago. Weve never actually talked in person except for the past couple days. we have always texted each other or writen emails. All the while i have Alkatraz so i kept things on a friendly level.

But then,,, i started to like her. she's great. and very pretty./.... so i have this little inner struggle going on for awhile. and i dont tell Alk about it. I like D... but she lives in chicago (about 3 hours away) but ive been IN LOVE with Alk for a couple years now. but things are still akward with Alk and i... Im not so sure she actually has feelings for me.. more like "forced feelings" i would say. but i dont actually know since shes not much of an open person. (this journal is kinda confuseing ..it jumps back and forth) So... basically its someone new and exciting and i'm tempted so..im DRAWN to her.... the little mischevious thing i am.

So... after awhle of talking to her and Alk still doesnt know about her. She wants to come see me (this was Fri. that we were discussing it) So we agree on Monday for her to come to town and we could meet...ooohh im bad

so she gets a room and calls me early monday morn and i go and meet her. as soon as i opened the door she was in a baby blue silky camisole. I almost fainted. wow im easy.... and oh so bad becasue instantly i think about Alk and feel horrible. but he horny lil redhead i am... i cant resist. so i go in and she plops on the bed and watches tv... like were old friends... so im thinking " this is good... not so uncomfortable"

not even an hour there shes pulling at my clothes and telling me how bad shes wanted to meet me for a long time. And me ...im caving. and im guilty and im feeling awful and then... im naked.
then shes naked... and whispering in my ear

And things were going great ... sometimes i swear im like a guy... a hot girl between ur legs and you forget how horrible and devious ur being.
I think we probably went "at it" of and on till the next day at about chek out.... (she convinced me to stay with her and i did) .... and all the while Alk is ringing on my cellphone everyonce in awhile and i dont have the guts to pick up... then all mutual friends call to and i dont answer becasue im sure that they knew that she couldnt get ahole of me either. so all in all .. i was a chicken,

At about chek out... D decided that she wanted to stay another day and spend it with me. so she booked another night and we went to breakfast, shopping at the mall, and she wanted to do little things like was her car, buy a good movie, etc. but it was a fun day. and we were both exhausted from not sleeping the night before and well ummm...

jump to the mall.... we went to suncoast and she was looking for movies she liked and i saw the movie "Murder by Numbers" it has Michael Pitt in it. (A guy that both me and Alk think is hott... and one of the only things that we agree on since we are polar opposites) so i teared up and made and excuse to the bathroom (i told D i would be right back) and once i got to the bathroom i cried and cried and cried some more... becasue i hate being dishonest and i knew that it would hurt Alk's feelings if she knew what was going on.



then i wiped my face and went and found D again. i tried to think of a way to tell Alk with out making me look horrible... with no luck becasue anyway you put it .. im a slut. So i tried not to think about her and just have fun with D while shes in town. and we did.... have fun..

that eve (the second one) back at D's hotel. We fucked again. and again .... and again.... I havent had sex that good in a long time. I'm so sore from it. and then laid there in bed and cuddled and she fel asleep. i laid there and basicaly stewd in guilt..un til i couldnt take it anymore and i wrote her a letter explaining y i couldnt stay and i left... when i was gone i talked to Alk on the phone and she was at travis' house... they wantd me to come over since they hadnt seen me. I didnt find out what it was that Alk said in the background ( she mumbled something while i talked to travis that i couldnt make out) until travis told me that she had said "ive been replaced" . so i figured i should just swallow my pride and go over there. but first i stopped at my house and took a hot shower.

when i got there .. everything was like nothing happened... but then again she wont know about all this until she reads this entry. i feel like shit .. and im a slut. but no i havent replaced Alkatraz.