ashen_crib

despair settles into the shallow repeat
of my breath
as i listen
for hope's soft tread
on hardwood floor dreams
waiting
i am
weighted
as i wade through the muck of
dress code smiles
flicked on florescent
and fake
obligations churn through my body
like bloody gears
that turn my veins into dream catchers
gone wrong
i am blind
cursed to see inward visions of
what i think i should be
and haven't been
condemned to feel the commentary carved
cruel and casual
by people who define the value of life
by the form it takes
who put time limits on heartbreak
when it's "only a pet"
who are easily inconvienanced by my poetry
of sorry
so i silence myself with music
push mp3 beats into my heart-shaped hole
and keep moving past the people who simply stay people
to a tempo that fits like adrenaline
and funerals
it may be mismatched
but somehow it's better
just to be lost for awhile
and between the blips and beeps
of coworkers and machines
it all becomes abstract
like a painting
with detail too overwhelming
to matter
it moves like an ocean of stars and gems
beautiful and beyond influence
a dazzling reminder that
despair is just part of the pattern
that pain is another weave in the loom
and that this
this is the horrible truth of art
i feel it
i know it
i confess it
with every breath
i take without him