I so have a problem. I keep having dreams about this guy that, well I don't have a lable for him other then we have a history. I haven't talked to him in over two years. But he's just that friend/would be lover that is just stuck in my mind.
The dreams are never the same though. The skip about in meaning and type. Last one was me and him catching up on old times at a bar. Its bothering because it was so honest to how things were with me and him. Like months could go by and we would be in differnt phases of our lives and then it was like nothing was differnt. Other then I would have someone special in my life or he would.
And that's how the dream was. He's dating some groupie that follows his band now. I know this not from internet stalking but from the fact that people always tell me when they see him or what he's doing or whatever.
I just wish I could turn loose and let go of everything because I doubt he even has a passing thought of me...ever. And I read one of Mary's posting of how she let go of a person in her life. I tried that. I told myself that lie. That I hate him. He's an asshole that should have never graced my life, our time together was insigificant. But any time I reflect back on a mere moment, its like its brand new. Why?
I love the guy in my life now so very much. It would kill me to hurt him, because everyone that has matter to him in his life has done that. I don't want to be on that list. But I just am so stuck when it comes to so many of my fucked up-edness.
Is this a plea of some sort? I have no clue. Because nothing will help but some sort of fucking closure. That might be my problem. No real good-byes, no complete honesty. Just the bare bones of affections and truths.
Bare bones. Now I'm the walking corpse.
The dreams are never the same though. The skip about in meaning and type. Last one was me and him catching up on old times at a bar. Its bothering because it was so honest to how things were with me and him. Like months could go by and we would be in differnt phases of our lives and then it was like nothing was differnt. Other then I would have someone special in my life or he would.
And that's how the dream was. He's dating some groupie that follows his band now. I know this not from internet stalking but from the fact that people always tell me when they see him or what he's doing or whatever.
I just wish I could turn loose and let go of everything because I doubt he even has a passing thought of me...ever. And I read one of Mary's posting of how she let go of a person in her life. I tried that. I told myself that lie. That I hate him. He's an asshole that should have never graced my life, our time together was insigificant. But any time I reflect back on a mere moment, its like its brand new. Why?
I love the guy in my life now so very much. It would kill me to hurt him, because everyone that has matter to him in his life has done that. I don't want to be on that list. But I just am so stuck when it comes to so many of my fucked up-edness.
Is this a plea of some sort? I have no clue. Because nothing will help but some sort of fucking closure. That might be my problem. No real good-byes, no complete honesty. Just the bare bones of affections and truths.
Bare bones. Now I'm the walking corpse.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
sydfloyd:
does he know you love him?
metalthekid:
It's sounds like you really still love this person, depends what you want to do, I mean do you really want to be with him or is it just that you can't get him out of your past? If you wanna be with him tell him, if he says no YOU CAN MOVE ON, if he says yes, YOU"LL know and can move foward! Either way waiting in misery is the worst.
