Happy Easter to all of you, even if you dont celebrate it. Our family doesnt celebrate anything, hahaha! We just hate getting together, I think.
My easter present to all of you is your horoscopes. Enjoy! I will have to save my rant for my next journal entry in a few days ... oh boy oh boy! I cant wait to start more shit! (lol, jk)
Aries: (March 21April 19)
Tonight, take a moment to say a few words in honor of the brave deliveryman who died bringing hot, delicious pizza to your House Of Knives.
Taurus: (April. 20May 20)
Your weight may be too high, but that's no reason for the police to describe what will happen to you as a triple homicide.
Gemini: (May 21June 21)
There hasn't been a stampeding death in your area in more than a century, but your air horn and steer costume will change all that.
Cancer: (June 22July 22)
This week is a good one for romance in the workplace, and an even better one for necromancy in the breakroom.
Leo: (July 23Aug. 22)
As a defiler of famous authors' graves, you must agree that if Dorothy Parker were dug up and laid end to end, you wouldn't be a bit surprised.
Virgo: (Aug. 23Sept. 22)
Horrible, six-mawed creatures from beyond time and space won't let you have a chance at the million-dollar prize unless you buy their magazines.
Libra: (Sept. 23Oct. 23)
One man's ball sweat is another man's enchanting musk. Find out exactly who these men are, tonight on News At 10.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24Nov. 21)
Your feeble constitution is noted once again when you enter the hospital after being savagely beaten at checkers.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22Dec. 21)
You've said that none of those people would've died, if only they had let you live your own life. But, come on, you know that isn't true.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22Jan. 19)
Television taunts you once again, this time with a show where convicted felons get to have puppies even though you don't.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20Feb. 18)
A bad experience with free jazz, indirect mood lighting, and spiritual possession will show you that there's a right way and wrong way to commune with the infinite.
Pisces: (Feb. 19March 20)
The stars apologize for the temporary and unavoidable delay. Your life will resume its accelerating downward spiral within moments.
My easter present to all of you is your horoscopes. Enjoy! I will have to save my rant for my next journal entry in a few days ... oh boy oh boy! I cant wait to start more shit! (lol, jk)
Aries: (March 21April 19)
Tonight, take a moment to say a few words in honor of the brave deliveryman who died bringing hot, delicious pizza to your House Of Knives.
Taurus: (April. 20May 20)
Your weight may be too high, but that's no reason for the police to describe what will happen to you as a triple homicide.
Gemini: (May 21June 21)
There hasn't been a stampeding death in your area in more than a century, but your air horn and steer costume will change all that.
Cancer: (June 22July 22)
This week is a good one for romance in the workplace, and an even better one for necromancy in the breakroom.
Leo: (July 23Aug. 22)
As a defiler of famous authors' graves, you must agree that if Dorothy Parker were dug up and laid end to end, you wouldn't be a bit surprised.
Virgo: (Aug. 23Sept. 22)
Horrible, six-mawed creatures from beyond time and space won't let you have a chance at the million-dollar prize unless you buy their magazines.
Libra: (Sept. 23Oct. 23)
One man's ball sweat is another man's enchanting musk. Find out exactly who these men are, tonight on News At 10.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24Nov. 21)
Your feeble constitution is noted once again when you enter the hospital after being savagely beaten at checkers.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22Dec. 21)
You've said that none of those people would've died, if only they had let you live your own life. But, come on, you know that isn't true.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22Jan. 19)
Television taunts you once again, this time with a show where convicted felons get to have puppies even though you don't.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20Feb. 18)
A bad experience with free jazz, indirect mood lighting, and spiritual possession will show you that there's a right way and wrong way to commune with the infinite.
Pisces: (Feb. 19March 20)
The stars apologize for the temporary and unavoidable delay. Your life will resume its accelerating downward spiral within moments.
VIEW 25 of 70 COMMENTS
jonalcoholic:
Hey, you provide the drugs, and drug free piss, and I'll smoke with you any time.
sqook:
The onion is great. I love how gullible journalists always cite it accidentally.