...
"AND I DONT WANNA HEAR ANY OF YOUR HEADBANGIN GOTHIC SHIT!!!"
hehehehe *sigh* a blast from the past. Here ya go guys ... enjoy!
Aries: (March 21April 19)
You will hear something this week that makes you doubt the love of your spouse, but exactly why circus music has this effect will remain a mystery.
Taurus: (April. 20May 20)
Efficient, divine revelation is yours this week when the love goddess Aphrodite appears to you for 1.9 seconds during a round of speed-dating.
Gemini: (May 21June 21)
You've always believed that you can judge a man by his handshakes, which is why you continue to denounce the theories of Stephen Hawking.
Cancer: (June 22July 22)
You'll be granted the secret wish of parents everywhere when your adorable baby daughter stays that size forever.
Leo: (July 23Aug. 22)
The stars believe that a person must make his own mistakes, but they warn you not to do anything that may, say, burn down Chicago this week.
Virgo: (Aug. 23Sept. 22)
Personal growth looms large in your future as you are transformed into a 1,000-foot giant who blots out the sun.
Libra: (Sept. 23Oct. 23)
You've always believed that the children are our future, which is true insofar as most are cruel, violent, and short.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24Nov. 21)
You will find that one can go a long way in this world by practicing honesty, kindness, and the bizarre owl-worship ritual of the Druids.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22Dec. 21)
You'll achieve nationwide fame when footage of the polar bear mauling your carcass is set to "Flight Of The Bumblebee."
Capricorn: (Dec. 22Jan. 19)
It's one thing to try to change your image, but it's another to bulk up on Andro, wear only white mink, and insist that you're the Vanilla Gorilla.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20Feb. 18)
Some may call your breast implants tacky, but at least you had the guts to try out unconventional shapes.
Pisces: (Feb. 19March 20)
You're in grave danger of planning your life around vague interpretations of the mysterious patterns that can supposedly be seen in the night sky.
"AND I DONT WANNA HEAR ANY OF YOUR HEADBANGIN GOTHIC SHIT!!!"
hehehehe *sigh* a blast from the past. Here ya go guys ... enjoy!
Aries: (March 21April 19)
You will hear something this week that makes you doubt the love of your spouse, but exactly why circus music has this effect will remain a mystery.
Taurus: (April. 20May 20)
Efficient, divine revelation is yours this week when the love goddess Aphrodite appears to you for 1.9 seconds during a round of speed-dating.
Gemini: (May 21June 21)
You've always believed that you can judge a man by his handshakes, which is why you continue to denounce the theories of Stephen Hawking.
Cancer: (June 22July 22)
You'll be granted the secret wish of parents everywhere when your adorable baby daughter stays that size forever.
Leo: (July 23Aug. 22)
The stars believe that a person must make his own mistakes, but they warn you not to do anything that may, say, burn down Chicago this week.
Virgo: (Aug. 23Sept. 22)
Personal growth looms large in your future as you are transformed into a 1,000-foot giant who blots out the sun.
Libra: (Sept. 23Oct. 23)
You've always believed that the children are our future, which is true insofar as most are cruel, violent, and short.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24Nov. 21)
You will find that one can go a long way in this world by practicing honesty, kindness, and the bizarre owl-worship ritual of the Druids.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22Dec. 21)
You'll achieve nationwide fame when footage of the polar bear mauling your carcass is set to "Flight Of The Bumblebee."
Capricorn: (Dec. 22Jan. 19)
It's one thing to try to change your image, but it's another to bulk up on Andro, wear only white mink, and insist that you're the Vanilla Gorilla.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20Feb. 18)
Some may call your breast implants tacky, but at least you had the guts to try out unconventional shapes.
Pisces: (Feb. 19March 20)
You're in grave danger of planning your life around vague interpretations of the mysterious patterns that can supposedly be seen in the night sky.
VIEW 25 of 80 COMMENTS
derekthered:
Those are great. I always knew there was something about Stephen Hawking I didn't trust. 
Gotta love the onion.
Gotta love the onion.
robarales:
damn, what a film that would be. thanks for givin me the heads up on the polar bear. us poor sags.