ash

Relationships can be really complex. I remember being a different "Ash" seemingly not that long ago. I have always been an independant girl, my childhood directed me in that way. A "sink or swim" type of scenario. I didn't mind, really. I felt stronger that way. I knew at a young age that u could only depend on yourself, that you didnt *need* anyone to rely on ... or maybe that there wasnt anyone u could rely on. I tried to help my "co-dependant" friends, the ones who *always* needed a bf/gf or the ones who latched onto a family member of friend and couldnt bear to be without them. Sometimes ppl dont realize they have the strength to stand on their own because they've never had to before, they've always had this ... crutch. There was always someone to pick them up, brush them off, and send them on their way to their next disaster. Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat.

I dont remember when I stopped feeling like the strongest woman in the world, but it happened around the time I found my true love. Suddenly, I needed MORE than just myself to continue. It made me feel weak, I didnt like it. I wondered if this was something that you inevitably have to give up when you find your soulmate ... your independance. No longer is it just "Ash", it's "Ash & her double". You notice your friends stop calling you (unless they, too, are coupled up) so you begin to rely more and more on this person. Before you know it ... u cant imagine life without them.

Is it possible to remain independant once you've fallen in love? Yeah, yeah, I'm not talking abt having your *own* friends or going out without them occaisionally, or being your own person ... but what I mean is, can you help *needing* them?

If you do "need" someone, does that make you weak?

What if that person dissapears for a lengthy period of time? Do you re-learn how to become the good 'ol independant person u once were, or do you fall apart because of this new way of life you've known for so long?


~@sh