Molly and the Gorn
We like "Star Trek". We don't go to conventions, dress up in costumes, or buy collectibles. We just enjoy watching all things "Star Trek" (except perhaps that "Voyager" crap).
But we do have a Gorn.
Mol occasionally amuses herself by talking like a Gorn, all hisss-y and crackly. So, many years ago, I bought her a Gorn action figure on eBay. She was delighted and the Gorn adorned her office for years. When she became the senior vp, however, she brought a lot of crap home, including the Gorn.
Then the fun began. I hid the Gorn someplace and waited for her to find it. This required lots of patience.
And then she hid it for me.
Over the years, for example, the Gorn has been frozen in ice and in a snowball, embedded in Jello, buried in a cake, drowned in milk, tucked over a car visor, tied up in floss, waiting in a Kleenex box, sitting in boxes of cereal, strapped to the granite stone in a curling match, smothered in a burrito, strung up with Christmas lights, covered in a corndog batter (stick included), stuffed in a turkey, sealed in laminated plastic, dressed in some old Barbie clothes, disguised as a penguin for Halloween (and as an elf for Christmas and as a bunny for Easter), wrapped in foil, flown while tied to a kite, hovered under helium balloons, tied to a single rollarskate and pulled around the rink by a string like a caboose, and secreted in a box of tampons..
The Gorn was even perched atop a friend's wedding cake, along with it's bride: Sally from "The Nightmare Before Christmas". Sally was much taller. And then the bunny suit again every December 25th as we watch "A Christmas Story".
Another time as she was making breakfast, Molly made a tiny pancake and affixed it to the Gorn's head...The Pancake Gorn! This was, of course, greatly influenced by SG.
Perhaps it's true, what Captain Kirk discovered: the Gorn is nearly indestructible.
It has traveled far and wide when it's hidden in Molly's baggage on frequent business trips. The Gorn has been to San Francisco, San Diego, Oshkosh, Charlotte, Las Vegas, Lake Tahoe, Jacksonville, L.A., D.C., Seattle, Portland (both, but I think it was partial to Oregon), Miami, Phoenix, Atlanta, Sarasota, Milwaukee, Tucson, Boston, Minneapolis/St. Paul, New Ulm, Dallas, Houston, Chicago, Tempe, New York, Denver, Sacramento, New Orleans, Jupiter, (yes! Jupiter, the one in Florida), among others.
The Gorn has never traveled abroad. Although it is stoic and has a warrior's heart, I sense the Gorn fears the unfamiliar.
Once the Gorn was overlooked as it sat waiting to be packed in Chicago. Upon Mol's return, panic ensued. Yes, it was a bit embarrassing, but the trusty staff of The Drake retrieved the Gorn and sent it overnight. At their expense..."No, really we "insist!""
More than 3 years ago I sought treatment for my 30-year-old addiction at Sierra Tucson. Mol hid the Gorn in my bag. When the-zealous staff found it as they searched my luggage, I was told it was "contraband" and would be locked up. "It's a toy," I was told, "and this, this 'Gron' will be a distraction to your recovery."
"Ok, first of all, it's pronounced 'Gorn', and it's not a toy," I said, "it's more of a, uh, mascot. Yeah, the Gorn is a mascot." They were not amused...they immediately made some notes on a clipboard. Apparently mascots can distract you from recovery as well, so the Gorn was imprisoned in a little plastic storage bin on a locked shelf.
During my recovery, on especially difficult days, I would lean on the shelves and talk to the equally despondent Gorn, reaching over and touching the spot on the thick plastic where its face pressed against the barrier. We were both prisoners and yet the Gorn was the closest thing to home. But the it survived and so did I, although I suspect it is still bitter about its six-week entombment in Tucson, suffering through its own alien withdrawals.
Meanwhile, I learned how to be sober and grow a warrior's heart, like the Gorn.
I actually don't know where the Gorn is at this very moment. Nor do I remember who hid it last. Sometimes it stays hidden for months. The longest time the Gorn was hidden? About 7 months, hanging out in a bag of frozen peas (camouflage).
When the new, improved CGI Gorn appeared in the final episodes of "Star Trek: Enterprise", our Gorn stared at the TV without expression as we watched.
Mol turned up her nose and said she like our Gorn better. We both looked over at the Gorn, anxious to hear its opinion. It's been more than year now, and we're still waiting.
I hope it speaks up soon---the Gorn's booked on a flight to Nashville next week.
We like "Star Trek". We don't go to conventions, dress up in costumes, or buy collectibles. We just enjoy watching all things "Star Trek" (except perhaps that "Voyager" crap).
But we do have a Gorn.
Mol occasionally amuses herself by talking like a Gorn, all hisss-y and crackly. So, many years ago, I bought her a Gorn action figure on eBay. She was delighted and the Gorn adorned her office for years. When she became the senior vp, however, she brought a lot of crap home, including the Gorn.
Then the fun began. I hid the Gorn someplace and waited for her to find it. This required lots of patience.
And then she hid it for me.
Over the years, for example, the Gorn has been frozen in ice and in a snowball, embedded in Jello, buried in a cake, drowned in milk, tucked over a car visor, tied up in floss, waiting in a Kleenex box, sitting in boxes of cereal, strapped to the granite stone in a curling match, smothered in a burrito, strung up with Christmas lights, covered in a corndog batter (stick included), stuffed in a turkey, sealed in laminated plastic, dressed in some old Barbie clothes, disguised as a penguin for Halloween (and as an elf for Christmas and as a bunny for Easter), wrapped in foil, flown while tied to a kite, hovered under helium balloons, tied to a single rollarskate and pulled around the rink by a string like a caboose, and secreted in a box of tampons..
The Gorn was even perched atop a friend's wedding cake, along with it's bride: Sally from "The Nightmare Before Christmas". Sally was much taller. And then the bunny suit again every December 25th as we watch "A Christmas Story".
Another time as she was making breakfast, Molly made a tiny pancake and affixed it to the Gorn's head...The Pancake Gorn! This was, of course, greatly influenced by SG.
Perhaps it's true, what Captain Kirk discovered: the Gorn is nearly indestructible.
It has traveled far and wide when it's hidden in Molly's baggage on frequent business trips. The Gorn has been to San Francisco, San Diego, Oshkosh, Charlotte, Las Vegas, Lake Tahoe, Jacksonville, L.A., D.C., Seattle, Portland (both, but I think it was partial to Oregon), Miami, Phoenix, Atlanta, Sarasota, Milwaukee, Tucson, Boston, Minneapolis/St. Paul, New Ulm, Dallas, Houston, Chicago, Tempe, New York, Denver, Sacramento, New Orleans, Jupiter, (yes! Jupiter, the one in Florida), among others.
The Gorn has never traveled abroad. Although it is stoic and has a warrior's heart, I sense the Gorn fears the unfamiliar.
Once the Gorn was overlooked as it sat waiting to be packed in Chicago. Upon Mol's return, panic ensued. Yes, it was a bit embarrassing, but the trusty staff of The Drake retrieved the Gorn and sent it overnight. At their expense..."No, really we "insist!""
More than 3 years ago I sought treatment for my 30-year-old addiction at Sierra Tucson. Mol hid the Gorn in my bag. When the-zealous staff found it as they searched my luggage, I was told it was "contraband" and would be locked up. "It's a toy," I was told, "and this, this 'Gron' will be a distraction to your recovery."
"Ok, first of all, it's pronounced 'Gorn', and it's not a toy," I said, "it's more of a, uh, mascot. Yeah, the Gorn is a mascot." They were not amused...they immediately made some notes on a clipboard. Apparently mascots can distract you from recovery as well, so the Gorn was imprisoned in a little plastic storage bin on a locked shelf.
During my recovery, on especially difficult days, I would lean on the shelves and talk to the equally despondent Gorn, reaching over and touching the spot on the thick plastic where its face pressed against the barrier. We were both prisoners and yet the Gorn was the closest thing to home. But the it survived and so did I, although I suspect it is still bitter about its six-week entombment in Tucson, suffering through its own alien withdrawals.
Meanwhile, I learned how to be sober and grow a warrior's heart, like the Gorn.
I actually don't know where the Gorn is at this very moment. Nor do I remember who hid it last. Sometimes it stays hidden for months. The longest time the Gorn was hidden? About 7 months, hanging out in a bag of frozen peas (camouflage).
When the new, improved CGI Gorn appeared in the final episodes of "Star Trek: Enterprise", our Gorn stared at the TV without expression as we watched.
Mol turned up her nose and said she like our Gorn better. We both looked over at the Gorn, anxious to hear its opinion. It's been more than year now, and we're still waiting.
I hope it speaks up soon---the Gorn's booked on a flight to Nashville next week.