Being frustrated about the guy and his dog in my front yard has made me think about other things.
Recently I told you about the luck with our house during that storm we had and since then my husband and I have been butting heads.
Every night something makes one of us mad at the other. Causing the other to get mad, as well. It never really lasts long. A couple hours or by morning. But the fact that just thinking about him getting home and me not being here when he does bothers me. He's my best friend, my confidant, and my mentor. Everything. I'm sure its just because we need our space.
Which also makes me think about this pregnancy. I say terrible things all the time. "Is it too late for an abortion" and "she sucks already" and I feel awful about it. I don't mean them, I'm just scared and I hate coming off as weak. I often think that its was a mistake having this baby. I've had an abortion before (when I was 19) but I feel every part of it was the right thing to do.
When we found out about this baby, I cried all day. Not because I was happy, but because I felt as though I let my husband down. We had just gotten married and planned to do so much. We can't do most of it now, because of this. I feel like such a burden to him. I can't hardly help him around the house and he works so hard at his job that when he comes home... the last thing he wants to do is all the things I should have done. Dishes, feeding the animals, cleaning their cages and the house. Its just so hard to move around these days.
I feel like a failure. Useless.
Not having a job bothers me too. We're always tight on money and it seems that we barely make rent every month. All of our extra money goes towards bills and the house.
I want to talk to my husband but I don't want to be that emotional type of girl. I blame every tear and whimper on the pregnancy hormones and even using that as a crutch makes me feel so weak.
He has enough on his own plate.
I need some happiness.
Recently I told you about the luck with our house during that storm we had and since then my husband and I have been butting heads.
Every night something makes one of us mad at the other. Causing the other to get mad, as well. It never really lasts long. A couple hours or by morning. But the fact that just thinking about him getting home and me not being here when he does bothers me. He's my best friend, my confidant, and my mentor. Everything. I'm sure its just because we need our space.
Which also makes me think about this pregnancy. I say terrible things all the time. "Is it too late for an abortion" and "she sucks already" and I feel awful about it. I don't mean them, I'm just scared and I hate coming off as weak. I often think that its was a mistake having this baby. I've had an abortion before (when I was 19) but I feel every part of it was the right thing to do.
When we found out about this baby, I cried all day. Not because I was happy, but because I felt as though I let my husband down. We had just gotten married and planned to do so much. We can't do most of it now, because of this. I feel like such a burden to him. I can't hardly help him around the house and he works so hard at his job that when he comes home... the last thing he wants to do is all the things I should have done. Dishes, feeding the animals, cleaning their cages and the house. Its just so hard to move around these days.
I feel like a failure. Useless.
Not having a job bothers me too. We're always tight on money and it seems that we barely make rent every month. All of our extra money goes towards bills and the house.
I want to talk to my husband but I don't want to be that emotional type of girl. I blame every tear and whimper on the pregnancy hormones and even using that as a crutch makes me feel so weak.
He has enough on his own plate.
I need some happiness.
So do you plan to go back to school?
Maybe these feelings come from the hormones, sure. I wouldn't doubt it in fact. But they're coming from previous fears I'm sure too. You two are gonna be fine because you promised each other you'd be fine. No matter what argument, no matter what burden you apply to one another you promised you'd be strong enough to be there for each other in the end. Fact is you're gonna have this baby, and in time you'll do some awesome stuff. It's just postponed for now that's all. In the long run that's not a bad thing right?