I tend to find myself writing my most intuitive and honest blogs in the late hours of the evening, if 11 at night is still evening….
Reflection. November. Thanksgiving (if we’re still allowed to call it that). Fall Harvest. To Reap.
These words all hold significance to me. Not to be cliché or ironic but the end of the calendar year holds a lot of value to me. Perhaps it’s the man in me, maybe it’s the true witness of the world dying and going to sleep for a while. Maybe it’s simply something we all witness in some capacity. No matter how we look at it we must embrace the change, or lack of that we have seen over the course of the year.
This year, like so many before holds it frustrations, disappointments, loss of friendships and loss of careers and opportunities. Lost hopes, lost directions, loss of self and loss of drive. However, through that loss I feel more renewed than ever. I endured many trials of character and shed my skin to find a new me underneath the tatters of old youth and soggy dreams. I applied myself into new areas and crashed, hard. I was open and vulnerable to others in which I trusted and confided myself only to be shunned, blamed, shamed, and made example of. I trusted the wrong people and learnt a lesson that brands me with a painful scar. I lost quite a few friends but I’m honestly not upset by it. Friends come and go, as they have many times, but I find myself not feeling entirely at a loss of them. Which I take as a good sign. Without loss we cannot grow, we cannot grow without experiencing loss. Discomfort is the building block of life. When we are uncomfortable we become inspired to change and find that new plot to sow our seeds into a new life.
I left decent jobs, found new opportunities, and left them too. Employment no matter the type is a constant. There really is no shortage of jobs if you’re truly interested in growing into a new person. Now, these jobs may not be fantastic or wonderful. But if you are humble enough, you will find the most mundane task to be fruitful and inspiring in the right context. In this I became blinded in my ambition, arrogant in my vindication, entitled to my talent and desire for more, I became enveloped in my own since of legend that I created my very own demise through Ego.
I created my own path of destruction through Ego, greed, pride and desire….. I deserved my hardships. Like many of us do once we truly sit down and reflect on the events that we paved to the final crater of our downfall.
Now, after brushing the dirt off my scathed knees, staring into the fires of my forged empire, breathing in the dust of my collapsed desires I am able to take the remains of my Ego and ideology and have built a new monument for myself. One of pain, disappointment, arrogance, pride, greed, and desire.
My new creation will be built off the ruins of my former self, I now sit on top that crater and see new opportunities for myself. Humbled by the climb, appreciative of the pain and sorrow, grateful for those whom I cut out of my life due to their poor choices they made in which I justified far too long only to find supportive and healthier companions hidden in the shadows. I’m happy that I was able to rely on the lessons in all the events till now. I am satisfied with my year. The hardships have tested my character, the losses have set in motion my overreach for things unimportant. My greed showed me the wasted time and efforts spent on useless things, events and people have truly been of limited benefit. In accepting my true self I took the losses of all these things to heart and mind. I have ended up where I needed to be, like many of us usually do. I firmly believe that.
"You will end up where you were meant to be no matter the pathways you choose. You cannot run from yourself, as you will always find yourself wherever you stop"
