This will be the third time I’ve tried to write this letter. It’s always a subject I dread and avoid. I dislike the word love. Perhaps due to the immense lack of it throughout my life. What even is it? A chemical reaction? A warm meal on a hot day? A person? A place? A passion? Maybe all the above? Whatever it is, I feel I’m constantly trying to find it, as if to fill some perpetual void in a space far too small for such a colossal gap to be.
I’ve had and have a great life. I have few complaints beyond the typical, mundane, day-to-day troubles of the average person. We all need money, and when we have enough, we want even more. We have aches and pains both internally and externally. Life hurts, it’s that simple. We have worries and fears and anxieties and even never-ending chores and duties. Life will go on with or without us, and those people after us will have the same duty. It’s the same cycle and it’s goes on and on and nobody will know when or if it’ll end.
I’ve met astounding and talented people of all races, genders and origins. People with incredible beauty both outside on their bodies and those deep within it. I’ve laughed till my stomach hurts, and I’ve been so furious I’ve demolished, and sabotaged treasures and people close to me. I’ve loved and I’ve lost, and I will do so many times over again. That is simply the cycle.
Like the sunrise we must have a sunset, like the warm summer we must find the cold winter, like the touch of something we cherish we must also bare the burden of agony of those that we lost. We have ups and downs. Yet, we find the most value of those ups when we are down. Unfortunately, we disbelieve the downs when we are up. It’s an interesting thing, us humans. We become so quick to judge yet even faster to defend what is of value to us. I once heard a quote from an unknown source, simply because I’m too lazy to look it up. “We are quick to judge others but become fantastic lawyers when it comes to ourselves”. I find that ironic as we are both sides to the coin even though we mostly see the side shining in the light, face up.
I think as a species, and even more so with social media we find ourselves at an incredible disadvantage to others. Some are short and some are tall, some are skinny and some are fat, some are white and others of color, some are intelligent in books and some are intelligent with their craft. We are all people of different gifts and skills. Yet, we find ourselves comparing ourselves to those with more “popularity”.
I’ve been working on a personal thesis, a study if you will. I call it “the illusion of false popularity”. While we may have dozens of contacts, hundreds or thousands of likes on Instagram or followers or hearts or happy faces of whatever symbol we associate our worth to be. How many people of those hundreds or thousands do you actually know? I’d wager under a dozen. How many know your birthday without a notification? How many know your second favorite color? Where you went to middle school or your most read book? How many texts do you send on the toilet and have your friends make fun of you? How many can you talk to on the phone, actually talking? How many people have met your family and still take your side even though your family is different or has a different view of you?
The point is, we are all truly alone. Despite the love and talent and intelligent and joy we feel, we are still seeking more. More love, more time, more money, more of something. We want more. Being alone in this world is the one thing many of us do not want more of. Ironic, isn’t it? To want so much but we don’t want more of ourselves. We should change that. We COULD, change that.
Be kind to yourself, be kind to others, be thankful for what you have or what you know. For all you may or may not know, someone else may want to know what you know.