As of late I've been facing a lot of scrutiny at my job about some not so recent events that management has been up my ass for lately. In all honesty, I'm feeling pretty isolated inside about it. I do good work, my entire team is incredible and fully support me. I've been through the wringer a lot lately because I'm not one those people in the health care and specifically the mental health field to turn a blind eye. I run to the conflict, I offer resolution, I hold myself and others accountable, even the patient and I make damn sure during, after and before I leave everyone is feeling ok about what happened. I check on others, a lot. I'm a good man. I may not speak softly and use harsh words but the intent is pure and genuine. I just wish others understood that. Anyway, I've been feeling pretty vulnerable due to all the recent events including my not so significant relationship. I just needed some encouragement and found it in this old blog I wrote a couple years ago. Here's to the best and the courage to do what's right even I stand alone.
It is no secret that when I’m feeling in my most vulnerable states, I seek inspiration from Winston Churchill. There are a great many indifferent views behind this man. Yes, he was verbally abusive and an alcoholic. Yet, so was Ulysses S. Grant, and Theodore Roosevelt. We all have rather undesirable traits that we do not enjoy of others, and ourselves.
Some of us struggle with alcoholism and drug addictions of various types, others being alone, some our physical appearance, some of their physical and emotional scars. Some people struggle with social acceptance, some with the way they speak or dress, or what car they drive. Some with the job they work, or the families they support. We all have traits and environmental aspects in which we are not overly fond of or enjoy. But we still live day to day with them. We continue to persevere, no matter the odds, ridicule or back lash.
For these reasons I find immense enjoyment in the story of Winston Churchill and his endurance during WWII. He was an underdog, he was not warranted or praised. He was intolerable, insufferable and even at times his own form of a tyrant. But I idolize this man. I don’t idolize him for his faults, but rather that he embraced his faults and still endured. He endured ridicule, backlash, revolt, hatred and disgust. He kept trying to show his views no matter what wall he hit.
I admire that about him. I admire his bravery and courage. I admire his ambition and form. Though like all forms of political leaders we may never know the whole story. But he inspired in a time of despair. He stood tall when others got on their knees. I admire this man because of his troubles both internal and political, as well as facing the crumble of an entire continent.
When I too am feeling small, and weak and troubled I seek the words of this man. Perhaps I relate too closely internally with his struggles in a different and more personal content. But I understand him.
These moments when I begin to reevaluate my own choices of my life, he helps me know that though my views on various issues are abstract, I will endure. Though I have faced a many great troubles, I still stand. Though I face enormous backlash and disgust from the general populous, I hold true to my word and will not apologies for how I feel or what I feel shall be said. I embrace my indifference and accept the consequences to follow. My life is not an easy one, nor is any who reads this. You too, have your own struggles. But stand true. Stand behind your word so long as you wholeheartedly support it.
I may face troubles, but in my heart and mind I know they are what I truly feel. I support them. I may be brash and outspoken at times, but that is what us underdogs do. We say what is not wanted, we face the crowd even if on our own. We stand true to what we believe. I won’t apologize for that. Much as Churchill, I face a world of indifferent views and I stand firm on my needs, wants and desires. Those will not change, especially if I feel they are right inside my heart and mind.
The following is a quote out of his recent movie with Gary Oldman. His wife told him in his darkest hour a quote I find liberating as well as reassuring. It goes as follows. “Darling, you have the full weight of the world on your shoulders. But these inner battles have trained you for this very moment. You are strong because you are imperfect, you are wise because you have doubts.”. – Clementine Churchill