Since the day I cut all of my hair off, Ive had many new adventures Ive had pain and realizations I took a trip a few weeks ago with some close friends to see "The Purple Lady" She spent the day in Colorado Springs and I went to meet her. She told me many things a lot of what I already know, she further broke me down in regards to the fact that I never listen to my own advice. She gave me permission to do so. Oddly, it helped. Also, encouraged me to live one day at a time. I try and mash them all together into a larger picture missing the fine details often.
Details are what makes it. Details are the shit missing them and skipping over any sort of meaning is the worst thing I can do. Im either one extreme or another.. I get far to involved in meanings and details that I miss the entire picture or I dont see details and skip over any sort of meaning... fine balance
I often wonder how other people deal inside of their heads am I so alone in thinking the way that I do? People say Im really different, I was told that anyone who ends up with me will be very lucky Ive been told kind things, mixed in with the usual hatered I get from those that never were fans of mine. I dont understand any of it. But each day I look at it all and I try and enjoy it in any way that I can. Ive spent too much time unhappy.
Details are what makes it. Details are the shit missing them and skipping over any sort of meaning is the worst thing I can do. Im either one extreme or another.. I get far to involved in meanings and details that I miss the entire picture or I dont see details and skip over any sort of meaning... fine balance
I often wonder how other people deal inside of their heads am I so alone in thinking the way that I do? People say Im really different, I was told that anyone who ends up with me will be very lucky Ive been told kind things, mixed in with the usual hatered I get from those that never were fans of mine. I dont understand any of it. But each day I look at it all and I try and enjoy it in any way that I can. Ive spent too much time unhappy.
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It sounds as if you've made a breaktrhrough. You've been through some tough things, and these pose a huge challenge to all the false ideas about life that live in our heads, in everyone's head. These false ideas are all that keeps any of us down. It's just that some shit that happens can be shocking and overwhelming, and it's hard not to think that outside events hurt us. The encouraging part is that, without ugly shocking things in our lives, we would never see the way out, and never find the resolve to leave the bullshit behind and truly become alive.
For you to just insist on finding a way to enjoy EVERYTHING, even the shitty things, is a very powerful state of mind. Everybody's mind is full of harmful garbage; some people are not courageous or honest enough to admit it, or have suppressed the garbage so thoroughly that they don't see it. Just being able to say you've had enough gives you the power, so long as you remember you've had enough.
We just have to decide to be happy (or not), regardless of what happens to us, or regardless what we must do, or how long it takes, to sort out the consequences of our damaging thoughts, or shitty decisions we might have made. We think outside events hurt us, but there is a part of us that no one can touch. Even though outside things can be a "challenge," it's good to remember that nothing in the world matters. All that matters is that we AWAKEN, and become more aware.
To gain awareness, one need only find a way to observe oneself, without self-judgment, condmenation or praise, and how we react to things, and what false things our mind is constantly telling us. If you remember to watch yourself, let go, and things become clear. The moment we listen to the false voices in our heads, and then scurry around thinking we must "DO" this or that, or change this thing or that thing, is the moment we lose all power.
No kidding -- to admit you are confused is a major step, and probably a point of no return (in a good way). As long as you keep seeking, and stay on the path, things will improve regardless of what's happening in the outside world. Don't burden yourself with trying to figure everything out. The intellect can only do so much, and other people's bullshit ideas about how to live are usually harmful, no matter how well-intentioned. If society had the answers, things would not keep getting crazier. The ugly truth is the extent to which society's ideas influence us. Even when we rebel against them, they still define us when we're so busy rejecting them that we distract ourselve from figuring out what's right for US. Consder, though, that most people live and die as ROBOTS, automatons, who despite appearances are nothing more than the sum of their genes, and of whatever influence and damage they've taken on in the sausage grinder of life.
I have to disagree with Fraktal P. All the necessary power is at your disposal. Don't beat yourself up if you only remember this a few times a day, and don't quit seeking, even if you have to fall on your ass a thousand times. Just get up, dust yourself off, and stay on the path. And remember that society, even people you believed were your close friends, may try to cause you more problems if they detect a change in you and the change threatens their comfortable ideas about life.
Your own ego will fight you, too, and play tricks on you. With any luck, you will start to see this as you go about your day, and you can calmly call bullshit on it.