Right now Im in Starfuckers, where Id prefer not to be, but I had to get out of an apartment and this is the only place thats open at two in the morning. Im watching this thirty-something year old guy flirt comically with a this bleached-blonde, makeup-wearing, laptop-wielding, cheerleader type, who seems to be going along with it. Theyre making as if its an intellectual conversation or something, talking about her irregular heart condition and her previous desire to be a doctor compared to her current plan to be a psychologist. The Thirtysomething is trying to act as if hes knowledgeable, contributing a little bit here and there, letting her talk on. Oh. Now hes progressed to dropping stories about all the cool things hes done, working in China, blah blah blah. It frightens me in some ways, because Im a guy, after all, and Ive been the one across the table talking to a young woman before. Of course, she isnt anything that would be my taste, owning conventional beauty or not, and the women Ive talked to have been my age, but even so, I know how it is to scramble for a girls interest and attention. Have I sounded like him in the past? Recently?
The funny thing is, she seems to be eating it up, leaning her head in to listen, smiling with a little crinkle of her nose, a slight change in her inflections. Does she feel that hes handsome and successful? Or does she merely appreciate the attention in an esteem-affirming sort of way? I dont know.
Across the room is a group of noisy, Abercrombie and Columbia-sportswear clad teenagers, loudly proclaiming (literally, just now,) Ohmigod, every so often amid unintelligible babble.
Days like this I feel cynical. Days like this, its hard to NOT feel elitist, and yet Im sure I seem myself a clich, wearing black synthetic jeans, a black button-up work shirt. My hairs dark enough that it could be dyed, the rims of my glasses are slightly thick and black, and I click away on an Apple laptop. Do they try to conform to a trend, or are they just acting the way that makes them happy, and it just so happens that everyone else feels the same way?
I, on the other hand, am so much cooler- than they are. Yeah, I dont own a TV. No thanks, Im a vegetarian. I buy ORGANIC produce, thankyouverymuch. I love tea and have swords on my wall, I ride a bicycle and own no motorized vehicles, I like H.P. Lovecraft, and Im far, far, better than your trashy radiorock. Linkin park? NICKELBACK? Get real. Blah, blah, blah. Do I do this to be special? Do I do this so I can feel as if I am superior? Clearly, I dont think so. Are their choices motivated by the same drives as mine? I dont have any idea. Id like to hope not, but I want to find out. I THINK I do what I do simply because I like it, but of course, I havent got any interest in being a hermit, and humans are such very social creatures.
This line of thinking has been brought to a rapid close courtesy of the relentless scything of the minute hand. Dreams beckon, consciousness recedes, and my hands abilities to respond to my thoughts wanes. Good night.
The funny thing is, she seems to be eating it up, leaning her head in to listen, smiling with a little crinkle of her nose, a slight change in her inflections. Does she feel that hes handsome and successful? Or does she merely appreciate the attention in an esteem-affirming sort of way? I dont know.
Across the room is a group of noisy, Abercrombie and Columbia-sportswear clad teenagers, loudly proclaiming (literally, just now,) Ohmigod, every so often amid unintelligible babble.
Days like this I feel cynical. Days like this, its hard to NOT feel elitist, and yet Im sure I seem myself a clich, wearing black synthetic jeans, a black button-up work shirt. My hairs dark enough that it could be dyed, the rims of my glasses are slightly thick and black, and I click away on an Apple laptop. Do they try to conform to a trend, or are they just acting the way that makes them happy, and it just so happens that everyone else feels the same way?
I, on the other hand, am so much cooler- than they are. Yeah, I dont own a TV. No thanks, Im a vegetarian. I buy ORGANIC produce, thankyouverymuch. I love tea and have swords on my wall, I ride a bicycle and own no motorized vehicles, I like H.P. Lovecraft, and Im far, far, better than your trashy radiorock. Linkin park? NICKELBACK? Get real. Blah, blah, blah. Do I do this to be special? Do I do this so I can feel as if I am superior? Clearly, I dont think so. Are their choices motivated by the same drives as mine? I dont have any idea. Id like to hope not, but I want to find out. I THINK I do what I do simply because I like it, but of course, I havent got any interest in being a hermit, and humans are such very social creatures.
This line of thinking has been brought to a rapid close courtesy of the relentless scything of the minute hand. Dreams beckon, consciousness recedes, and my hands abilities to respond to my thoughts wanes. Good night.